Mr. Rodacre... in other words...

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-25T11:00:00.000-08:00

Master Rodacre here circa 1977
(note the sweet Battlestar Galactica jammies)

Holiday Wish List 2006

2006-12-05T11:38:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, I decided to get in touch with my holiday roots: I made myself a Christmas List.

I hadn't really done such a thing since I was a kid and I figured since I was an adult now, I may as well start wishing big. So amid the various books, Lego kits, video games, and shaving supplies that adorned my list, I dropped in a few things not found in a shopping mall - both tangible and intangible: wisdom, happiness, a new car, a rewarding career, prosperity for those less fortunate than myself... you get the idea.

I emailed my list to friends and family (this was before the blog boom) with the disclaimer that I seriously didn't expect anyone to get me anything on my list (though it was certainly helpful to those who wanted to give me presents). And to my surprise I did get a fair amount of things on my list! But what I really wanted in return was a list from everyone else - just to see what other people wanted - just to encourage people to wish for whatever they wanted regardless if people could buy it in a store or find it in a catalogue. Because the very act of putting it out there - of saying to the universe, "These are my desires for myself and for others" - just that act can make miracles happen in our lives.

So this year, I present to you my Holiday Wish List 2006. As in years past, this is full of practical gifts and the more esoteric. Thanks to the wonders of the internet, most of the tangible items at least are available for y'all to click on. The intangible ones - not so much. And once again, if you wanna get me something - fantastic. If you don't, then don't. What I really want is for you to sit down and think about what it is you want in your life. What do you want for your loved ones? What is it that you wish for? Sky's the limit... it's a wish... it can be anything you want...

And then I want you to write it down. Post it in my comments here. Post it on your own blog. Write it on a scrap of paper and tell me about it. Make an Amazon wish list. However you do it, just get it out there.

Seriously? The results may surprise you...

INTANGIBLES

love
wisdom
happiness
inner peace
the ability to help others see beauty in the world
success and happiness for my family and friends - however they may define it
a fun, challenging and personally rewarding career
inspiration
prosperity
poetry
song
togetherness
solitude
understanding
fun
creativity

TANGIBLES

EASY STUFF

a kiss/a hug/a smile
Starbucks gift cards
Gap/Old Navy/Macy's gift cards
Borders/Barnes & Noble gift cards
Target gift cards
T-Mobile gift cards/minutes
cool shaving stuff/MACH3 blades/FUSION blades
XL black boxer briefs
thick black socks
dress black socks
overnight travel bag (for clothes n stuff)
bed sheets flannel or 300+ TC (queen)
tool set (always handy)
vintage travel/movie/alcohol posters calendar
coffee

complete amazon listing here:

FUN STUFF

DVD's

Armageddon -- Criterion Collection DVD ~ Ben Affleck

Back to the Future - The Complete Trilogy (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Michael J. Fox

Cars (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Owen Wilson

Clerks II (Two-Disc Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Rosario Dawson

Firefly - The Complete Series DVD ~ Ron Glass

Forbidden Planet (Ultimate Collector's Edition) DVD ~ Walter Pidgeon

Grey's Anatomy - Season One DVD ~ Patrick Dempsey

Grey's Anatomy - Season Two DVD ~ Grey's Anatomy

It's a Wonderful Life (60th Anniversary Edition) DVD ~ James Stewart

King Kong (Three-Disc Deluxe Extended Edition) DVD ~ Peter Jackson

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Robert Downey Jr.

Lovers of the Arctic Circle DVD ~ Najwa Nimri

Memento (2000) (Widescreen Special Edition) DVD ~ Guy Pearce

Mission - Impossible III (Two-Disc Special Collector's Edition) DVD ~ Tom Cruise

Network (Two-Disc Special Edition) DVD ~ Faye Dunaway

Nip/Tuck - The Complete First Two Seasons DVD ~ Nip

Nip/Tuck - The Complete Third Season DVD ~ Nip

Pirates Of The Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Johnny Depp

Pirates of the Caribbean - The Curse of the Black Pearl (Two-Disc Collector's Edition) DVD ~ Johnny Depp

Serenity (Widescreen Edition) DVD ~ Chiwetel Ejiofor

Starship Troopers (Special Edition) DVD ~ Casper Van Dien

Starship Troopers 2 - Hero of the Federation DVD ~ Bill Brown (IV)

Superman II - The Richard Donner Cut DVD ~ Christopher Reeve

Superman Ultimate Collector's Edition DVD ~ Christopher Reeve

The Fantastic Films of Ray Harryhausen - Legendary Monster Series (Jason and the Argonauts / The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad / The Golden Voyage of Sinbad / Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger / The 3 Worlds of Gulliver) DVD ~ Todd Armstrong

The Greatest American Hero - The Complete Series (free Cape and Notebook included!) DVD ~ Gabrielle Beaumont

V for Vendetta (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition) DVD ~ Natalie Portman

MUSIC

Apartment Life ~ Ivy

Battlestar Galactica: Season 2 ~ John Avila

Battlestar Galactica: Season One ~ Bear McCreary

Dreamt for Light Years in the Belly of a Mountain ~ Sparklehorse

Eyes Open ~ Snow Patrol

Guestroom ~ Ivy

In the Clear ~ Ivy

Long Distance ~ Ivy

The Fountain ~ Kronos Quartet

Till the Sun Turns Black ~ Ray LaMontagne

Time Without Consequence ~ Alexi Murdoch

Under the Iron Sea ~ Keane

ELECTRONICS

Apple 30 GB iPod video Black (5.5 Generation) by Apple Computer

Philips HTS9800 DVD Home Theater System by Philips

Sony KDL-46V2500 46" Bravia V-Series 1080p LCD HDTV Offered by Ace Digital Clubby Sony

Sony PlayStation 3 (60GB) by Sony Computer Entertainment

VIDEO GAMES - all PS2 unless noted

24 The Game Offered by OGamingstoreby 2K Games

Bully by Rockstar Games

Deus Ex for PlayStation 2 by Activision Inc.

God of War by Sony Computer Entertainment

Justice League Heroes by Eidos

Katamari Damacy by Namco

Lego Star Wars by Eidos

Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy (PS2) by Lucas Arts Entertainment

Okami by Capcom

ONLY IF PURCHASED WITH PS3 Resistance: Fall Of Man Offered by J&R Music and Computer Worldby Sony Computer Entertainment

Run Like Hell for PlayStation 2 Offered by Targetby Sony Computer Entertainment

We Love Katamari by Namco

BIG TICKET ITEMS

Why I Love the Internet Vol. 23

2006-10-30T22:08:00.000-08:00

It's as if she's really inside my heart, you know? Like she just "gets" me... Can you believe it? It's like it was meant to be! Please read on... As emailed to me via myspace.com:

Hi handsome!

I didn't have the courage to approach you in person, so I hope you consider my letter. I have so much inside my heart that it keeps me from breathing sometimes. I know we have not met but these feelings that I have for you keep glowing and growing every seconds. Now that I am sending you letter, I sleep thinking about you and the next morning I wake up smiling. It's amazing how you got me and trapped me. I never thought I could love this much but I was so wrong. I just thank God for having you.I pray that We were meant for each other and no one can change that. I love you with ALL my heart. Am Isabel by name and single still searching,right now i traveled down to africa for some business with an african guy and right now am having problem here now.when i got down here he turned out to be a robber he stole my money and jewelries now the hotel am staying siezed my return ticket cuz am owing some money,so i'll like you to help me with the bills so i can get back my ticket and get home,i promise you'll never regret u did,i dont mind relocating to meet you.

You could as well contact me on my email address

Isabel

Just you wait, Isabel! I'm getting my checkbook right now!

Potential

2006-09-26T11:17:00.000-07:00

“I believe that when you realize who you really are, you understand that nothing can stop you from becoming that person.”
- Christine Lincoln

For as long as I can remember, I have had potential.

This is what I have been told, anyway.

Parents, teachers, religious leaders, gurus, friends, girlfriends, self-help books, co-workers, employers, television shows, movies, comic books, mentors, and once even my cat, have all told me of the potential I have stored within me. Granted, the cat scenario may have come up in a haze of wine and prescription drugs, but nevertheless, I have been told by many that I have a bounty of talents and gifts to bestow upon the world should I only have the desire, the inspiration – the courage – to do so.

I am certain I’m not the only one who has ever been told of the greatness they possess within. I think we even get glimpses of it from time to time… like when we really come through in a crunch at work… or when we just feel like we are in ‘the flow’ of life and everything just clicks… or for some, we see it from the bottom of a tequila shooter and think we can do just about anything… It’s different for everyone, but we all get glimpses of how we could be – if we only applied ourselves a little more… if we only tried a little harder… if we only cared less of what others thought and did what we knew was true and right.

I find it curious that we all have cheerleaders who see the greatness within us when we ourselves are blinded by mediocrity. Although it’s in our nature to be better than we are, we often get stuck in the comfort of “just good enough.” Maybe that’s why we have our cheerleaders: to shake us out of our stupor long enough for us to realize that this is not all there is. To hold up the mirror of “what could be” instead of the mirror of “how things have always been.”

Then again, maybe our cheerleaders need to believe in us because they can’t – or won’t – believe in themselves. Maybe if they can get us to change, it would give them hope that they can change too?

I know I have the potential to be great. And, for that matter, I know you do too.

So what are we gonna do about it?

That’s the question isn’t it?

Consistency

2006-09-22T02:30:00.001-07:00

If there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that I am consistently inconsistent.

We can chalk it up to procrastination by way of perfectionistic tendencies and an inherent dislike for writing despite my apparent proficiency for the craft. You might not think it, but it takes a lot to get something out there in the world - be it a blog entry, a painting or a child - and for me, if I can't do it right and take the time that I need to, then it's better off not being done in the first place.

And since I tend not to share what's going on in my head as a rule, the fact that I have a blog is something of an anomaly. However, today is a rather important day because today is the very reason you and I are here at this very moment:

Today is my 36th birthday.

As it turns out, I have never been as old as I am at this very second.

I guess in the grand scheme of things, events haven't unfolded as I thought they might by this time in my life - though if experience has taught me anything, they rarely do. And often they develop in ways you couldn't possibly have imagined. I know this intellectually, but it's a strange concept to wrap one's head around.

I don't know what I expected 36 to feel like. I mean right now it feels a lot like 35 which felt pretty close to 30 which wasn't so far off from 27 and so on. We're all just children evolved aren't we? Children with car payments and failed relationships and jobs that keep a roof over our heads? Children with much too much to learn and not enough time...

I'm still learning who I am and how I fit in this world. I am still learning how I affect others. I am still learning how others affect me. I am still learning how to feel. I am still learning how to move confidently in the world. I am still learning how to be a good friend, brother, son. I am still learning how to see the world. I do not regret how I live my life. I just know that there is more to learn and see and do.

At 36, I am still learning how to be.

And if I can't do it right and take the time that I need to, then it's better off not being done in the first place.

Hey, at least I'm consistent...

Caption This!

2006-08-14T21:12:00.000-07:00

Insert witty comment here

Mr. Spock vs. Mr. Rodacre

2006-08-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

These past two weeks have been pretty tough for me.

See, I am generally the stable one in any bunch. I don't have huge emotional outbursts or mood swings. I am usually the calm, cool and collected type who doesn't get overly excited or upset about anything. Even-keel. The rock. The logical one who tries to help everyone else calm down.

That said, when I experience emotional highs or lows, EVERYONE notices despite my best efforts to maintain a low profile. And then of course I choose not to talk about it because I fail to see the logic in expressing my emotions with others much less talk about them because why put anyone else through what I'm going through?

Anyway, that's me in a nutshell. So with that in mind I present to you a side by side comparison of the always-logical, emotions-in-check, Mr. Spock and myself:

Subject	Mr. Spock	Mr. Rodacre

Lineage	an alien hybrid: born of a vulcan father and human mother	an italian/european hybrid: born of human father and mother (so far as we know)

Emotions	Learned to control emotions through years of practice and meditation	Learned to control emotions through years of passive/aggressive behavior

Friends	Very few close friends. Most of them highly emotional humans. The good of the many, outweighs the good of the few… or the one.	Very few close friends. All of them highly emotional humans. The good of the few, or the one, outweighs the good of the many.

Dating	Chicks dig him because he's mysterious, logical and emotionally distant	Chicks dig him because he's mysterious, logical and emotionally distant

Sex	Experiences the pon farr every seven years and returns to Vulcan to find a mate	Experiences horniness every… well… less than seven years let's say… and returns to internet dating services to find a mate

Technology	Uses current technology to discover new life and new civilizations	Uses current technology to discover new dates and future ex-girlfriends

Astrologically Speaking...

2006-08-03T16:28:00.000-07:00

Say what you will about astrology - the horoscopes on the DailyOM site hit the nail on the head more often than not:

August 3, 2006
Clarity In Fulfillment
Virgo Daily Horoscope

You may feel a little lost today and have the sense that your life is spinning in the same old rut. You could feel stuck in unsatisfactory circumstances or have trouble making progress on any life changes you’ve been working on. One way to work through this mind-set is to first engage in a period of quiet meditation so you can clear your thoughts. Simply focus on quieting your mind and letting go of any negative thoughts that are clouding your perception. Then turn your attention to your life as it exists today, and see if you can determine which aspects are making you feel most dissatisfied. With this new understanding of what’s not working, you will be able to decide on steps to move your life in the right direction again.

Periods of quiet meditation and introspection can give us the clarity to build more meaningful, fulfilling lives. It is common to have a feeling of dissatisfaction with our lives without understanding exactly what is getting us down. When we take the time to clear our thoughts and turn our attention inward, we automatically connect more deeply with our inner wisdom, and see our situation much more clearly. This clarity of mind allows us to see opportunities for improvement and take the necessary steps to make our lives better, one day at a time. If you pause to connect more deeply with what is happening within you today, you will be able to tell what is causing your frustration and work proactively on creating a more fulfilling life.

30 Days

2006-08-02T00:00:00.000-07:00

It's been 30 days since I last saw Ms. Sizzle.

In that time, she has become an auntie(!), fixed up her new apartment, gone on multiple job interviews and made new friends in a new city. While I am happy for her success and happiness in her new surroundings, I miss her very much.

I have pretty much been depressed since she has moved. I wish I could say that it has been getting easier being apart, but I cannot. In fact, it gets more and more difficult by the day. And because I refuse to talk to anyone about how I am feeling, I decided to take the chickenshit way out and blog about it.

For those of you holding out for Sizz and me, I have to tell you: It's not gonna happen. I am not the one for her. She has told me so on more than one occassion. Sorry to disappoint everyone, but it is what it is. People feel what they feel or they don't.

She will be dating other men in Seattle and according to her, I should "hook up with a hot girl" myself. At present, I am in no state to do much of anything, much less "hook up with a hot girl" (which, if I am lucky, only happens every 2-3 years or so).

This doesn't mean that she doesn't love me - that she doesn't care - because she, in fact, does. It doesn't mean that I don't love her because, in fact, I do. It just means that in the big picture of wedded bliss, picket fences and 2.5 children - she and I aren't in the same photo. I suspect she has known that for awhile but I am just now coming to terms with it.

So for those of you wondering why I haven't up and left for Seattle? There's your reason.

And for you others who may have been wondering what's up with me lately? Now you know.

Nothing about this has been easy. I don't know what I am doing or where I am going.

I am sad, upset, jealous, confused and directionless.

I hate feeling this way.

Quite frankly, it sucks.

1:52:50

2006-07-25T01:19:00.000-07:00

Saturday was a blur of people, heat and exhaustion.

Comic-Con is one huge event, my friends. I suggest you get more than two hours of sleep before attempting such a feat. Nonetheless we managed to see the "Lost" panel discuss what was going on with the series and spend coveted time on the dealer floor.

With so much to see and not a lot of time, Ace and I went our separate ways to cover more ground. The plan was to meet back up before the 5pm Sony presentation of Ghost Rider and Spider-Man that we were sure to miss most of due to our 7:35pm flight.

I found my favorite artist's booth and promptly bought three of his books. I then managed to get thoroughly frustrated with the sheer number of people and the awesome stupidity of folks who just STOP in the middle of a walkway to gawk at something. I had no plan and was feeling overwhelmed and hungry so I escaped the madness of the convention center and found a little deli/convenience store that had sandwiches on the cheap. As I ate, I made a list of the dealers & events I wanted to check out. I was then able to return with a sense of purpose.

I caught a presentation by another favorite artist of mine: Shag - his first ever at the Comic-Con - that was really cool. He had a power point presentation about his life and influences over the years that helped determine the "Shag Style." Great stuff. I then caught a half hour of a group of TV producers/writers/actors and Jennifer Love Hewitt discussing the future of genre/sci-fi shows on television before it was time to meet up with Ace.

The line for the Sony deal was insane. I waited for about 15 minutes when Ace finally showed up exhausted and exasperated as his phone died and he had no way of contacting me. He suggested we bail at that point and that was fine by me. We were both drained from the day's events.

We opted for a cab back to the airport only to discover that our flight had been delayed by an hour and a half. Armed with this knowledge a half hour earlier, we might have stayed and been able to catch the world's first glimpse at footage from the new Spider-Man film before hopping on our plane. But as it stood, we got to spend three hours at the airport.

We got home around 11:30. I showered then crashed.

Sunday was a blur of people, heat and exhaustion.

I awoke at the unreasonable hour of 6:30am, found my way into my walking clothes and got myself to the parking structure to where the race shuttles would transport me to the starting line. I looked around for folks from Weight Watchers but did not see them. Still tired and sore from the previous day, I now had the pleasure of being immersed in the midst of 15,000 people on what was the hottest morning of the Wharf to Wharf race EVER. I was not in the best of moods.

Here's the breakdown of the race:

8:30:00 - gun goes off - race starts

8:45:17 - I finally cross the starting line

9:03:06 - mile 1 - texting with my lone cheerleader, Ms. Sizzle along the way.

9:06:24 - realized that I forgot deodorant after last night's shower

9:08:47 - now have to pee after following race instructions to drink water before race - five miles to go

9:19:22 - mile 2 - iPod not working too well due to large volumes of people and loud bands placed at regular intervals along the route.

9:22:07 - a tall, bowlegged man with what appears to be an unusually uncomfortable gait breezes by me going uphill

9:23:53 - pissed off that iPod pretty much useless, concerned about my lack of deodorant, and angry at people with hoses along the way spraying people down. I don't have people with hoses when I walk normally - why do I want such a thing now? Bah!

9:42:16 - mile 3 - people pushing strollers and wheelchairs are passing me uphill

9:53:18 - given up on iPod and have decided to "be in the moment" and attempt to enjoy bands along the way. Most of them are very bad. I like three of them and grab a free CD from one group

9:59:49 - mile 4 - am now grateful for the groups of people cheering racers on and thankfully take advantage of the hose people. I am also more conscious of my time and try to walk a bit faster to reach a 15 minute mile speed

10:07:19 - have reached what they call 'the zone' and am not really thinking about walking, peeing, or lack of deodorant. only know that I must go on, cannot stop and there's no going back. interesting...

10:10:09 - mile 5 - decided that I need to kick it up for the final mile. I pick people ahead of me to pass and do so with aplomb: breezed past Cute Tattooed Girl, Albino Guy, Real Estate Sign Guy, Fireman, and the Pink Ladies.

10:17:00 - photo op just down from the finish line - I'll post the pic when I get it!

10:22:50 - crossed the finish line! 1:52:50!

I then got my goody bag/souveneir shirt and waited for over an hour for the bus to take me back to my car... had myself a nice two hour nap and then begrudgingly went to work...

I did it though! I did a race! And I finished! Yay me!

Thanks to those of you who supported me and a special thanks to Ms. Sizzle for cheering me along the way from Seattle!

I Can Totally Do This

2006-07-21T20:47:00.001-07:00

I have me one busy weekend so I took today to veg out. I played a video game, surfed the net, watched a little TV - you know... the usual. And I also went for a walk in preparation for the big "race" on Sunday. It feels funny to keep calling it a race but I guess that's what it is. I however will only be competing against myself.

Anyway, as it turns out I live a few blocks from the halfway point of the Wharf to Wharf race so I am fortunate that part of my training has been to actually walk stretches of road that people from all over the country are flying in to walk/run.

Today I kicked it up a notch: I walked from home all the way to the Santa Cruz Wharf and back. Near as i can figure - that's just about 6 miles roundtrip which means that's just about the length of the race which means I can totally do this or rather - I already have.

The only thing that may weigh me down a bit is jet lag and good old-fashioned fatigue. Ace and I are headed to San Diego for ye olde Comic-Con - just for the day mind you - flying down and flying back! We're there to check out a few panels and roam the dealer floor in search of pop-culture goo-gaws and free schwag bags. It promises to be a whirlwind adventure and I am sure we'll be exhausted come tomorrow night.

Then Sunday I get to get my ass up at an ungodly hour for the second day in a row and go walk six miles. And then go to work. Sweet, huh?

I'm pretty excited about it, actually.

Walk This Way

2006-07-13T11:26:00.001-07:00

As some of you may recall, I am walking in my first "race" this month. I had promised to update as to my status and so now - with little more than a week before the big event - I give you my status: I am in trouble.

I started walking back in March and was doing good for about two weeks and then *POOF* nothing.

This happens with me. Any sort of life-altering change/improvement I implement generally lasts a good two weeks - right around the time I start seeing results - and then it all goes to hell.

With this in mind and the Wharf to Wharf rapidly approaching, I now have less than two weeks to prepare for the six mile walk. I have been walking about 3 miles a day for about the past 4 or 5 days and I feel pretty good about it. The first couple tries I was a little woozy afterwards but I am much better now AND I can do the 3 miles in nary under an hour (45 minutes last check) which is good because I guess there's a rule of the race that you have to do a mile in 15 minutes - OR ELSE! (the "or else" is really just them opening the course up to traffic and then you're screwed)

So perhaps the two week fitness regimine will work FOR me in this instance. Two weeks to train for a race and then *POOF* - no more race! But will I continue daily walks?

Let's not hold our breath...

Desiderata

2006-06-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your acheivements as well as your plans. Keep intereseted in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, 1927

I needed to remember this poem today...

Putting The MAN in Manicure

2006-05-20T15:18:00.000-07:00

There are no two ways about it: some of you will undoubtedly request that I turn in my "Man Card" ID immediately. But please wait and allow me to justif... er... explain...

See, yesterday, I got a manicure and a pedicure.

Yes. At one of those nail places. Yes. It was in a mall. Yes. The kind run by our friends of the Asian community. And yes. I was the only male client (though there were two guys there working - one seemed to be the manager and the other one, a lackey).

I won't lie, it feels kinda girly and un-mannish. And maybe it's from watching too many episodes of Queer Eye and other various make-over shows that drove me to do it. Truth is guys - the ladies have been holding out on this little secret pleasure. The whole process - particularly the pedicure - is quite relaxing really and to top it off - your hands and feet look and feel great afterwards!

Listen, I am assured by many a woman that well-manicured hands are a desirable trait in a man (usually comes right after "good teeth"). Because let's face it - if you're with a girl and your hands start traveling south - neither of you is gonna benefit from a hangnail or an unplanned scratch. And while sleeping (or other extra-curricular activities), you don't want to jab your partner with a well-sharpened big-toe nail. It's just not, how-you-say? "sexy."

Like most guys, I tend to be a "do-it-yourselfer" when it comes to general maintenance. Oh sure, I get the job done - usually begrudgingly and half-assed - but it gets done.

But isn't it usually always better to pay a professional to a job for you? You know it will be done in half the time. You don't have to do it. And the professional does this sort of thing FOR A LIVING. That's all they do all day. The thing you are paying them to do. Chances are high that they've seen it all and know how to take care of business. Whether it's car repair or plumbing, it always behooves you to call the professionals. This same argument holds true for routine hygiene.

As for myself, I have the basics covered, what with the soap and the shaving and all... but if there's some sort of skin issue I cannot identify, I call the dermatologist... When my hair gets too long, I go to a professional to cut it in a pleasing manner. So when the nails get too long (btw, they are made of cellulose just like your hair) why not have them groomed by a professional?

Plus fellas, think about it: You get to relax in a massaging chair, your feet in a warm water spa while a woman meticulously grooms and massages your feet and calves then gives the same treatment to your hands and forearms. Seriously, the only thing missing here is someone with the grapes and a palm frond fan (though I bet there are places out there).

Why not give it a try? Maybe go with your girlfriend or wife? (you know they would just love to get you in there) Single types can bring your iPod to listen to... a magazine to read... play a level or two on your latest PSP game... listen to the 'big game' on a portable radio... Or simply relax and enjoy the feeling of someone catering to you... If you truly don't like it - then you don't have to tell anyone...

And no, you don't have to get nail polish or French tips (though some guys opt for the "clear coat")

Lastly, in a word: MILFs

So please, guys... let me keep my "Man Card" - in fact, I think I deserve some sort of upgrade for finding a new form of laziness for us fellas to exploit. Whaddaya say?

Write Away

2006-05-19T01:40:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to David Sedaris on audiobook recently and hearing his stories make me want to write my own stories that have interest, humor and an appeal to others. Unfortunately for you, that means putting up with a lot of futile attempts at being interesting, humorous and appealing.

Sure anyone can start a blog and share their latest dinner recipes with their loyal 12 readers (oh to have TWELVE readers...) but it takes a genuine talent to gain a following with an engaging story that readers can enjoy.

I know some of you bloggers out there are particularly good at this. Some of you even write every day. Some of you just write your blog on the side between waiting for your book deals to go through and checking to see which magazines accepted your freelance gigs.

Not that I'm jealous. It just seems like a lot of work. If I liked writing more, maybe I'd try making some money at it, too. I did get paid a couple of times for some work I had done for a magazine, but for me the experience was like getting paid to do someone elses homework assignment.

So until I write enough to get my own book deal or dare to think myself worthy of a freelance submission once again, I'll be here plugging away at the keyboard with those dinner recipes for you, my loyal 12 readers... (it'll be 12 soon, i can feel it!)

Head Case

2006-05-18T02:03:00.000-07:00

Those of you who haven't been keeping track may be surprised to discover that this is the second day in a row that I have written something in my blog. Heck, those of you keeping track may be surprised as well.

I read something today about the solution to the whole writer's block/procrastination-thing. It was quite simple really, so I thought I'd give it a try. The answer is simply to just write or do ANYTHING that relates to whatever it is you are trying to accomplish - be it writing in your blog or removing the clutter from your bathroom. It doesn't have to be perfect - you can always go back and improve it later. It doesn't even have to be good. It just has to be. Any idea or start to a project will produce further results toward your goal. Because the more you are, the more you can become. And the more you do, the more you are doing.

See? Like right there. That whole thing about "the more you do, the more you are doing," I totally just made up right now. Could it be complete crap? Perhaps. But I'd like to think I just kind of extrapolated a philosophical bent from the thing I was just describing. Words are falling out of my head and onto the screen and now exist in your head. Five minutes ago, I had no idea that I was even going to TRY and write in my blog and you had no idea you'd even be reading it.

No... No, I have not been smoking anything. It is just sometimes enough for me to sit back and marvel at the process of it all.

Everything.

Complex. Simple. Divine.

It's all pretty remarkable when you think about it.

* today's image borrowed from http://www.jaypinkerton.com

A Clean Sweep

2006-05-17T01:03:00.000-07:00

Whether it's a memento of a first date or the receipt from last week's dry cleaning, most people like to keep things "just in case."

Occassionally this can get a little out of control and your friends may call one of those reality shows that teach you to face all the crap you keep that you think is so important. And every once in awhile you hear on the news about one of those people whom the neighbors call health and human services over once their stacks of newspapers, cat piss collections and garbage-festooned front yards have managed to offend everyone within a 500 yard radius.

Let me point out at this time that I am not one of these people. I do however have a problem with what some experts call "clutter."

Ms. Sizzle recently loaned me a book called "Clear Your Clutter with FENG SHUI." This, after a recent visit to my house where she realized I was drowning in a sea of unread books, mountains of clothing and small forests of papers, receipts and junk mail. Sure I have my methods of organizing the piles of crap I accumulate over time. When you accumulate a lot of crap, you have to figure out where it all goes - especially if company is coming.

When I was younger, I favored the "Let's-see-how-much-stuff-I-can-cram-under-my-bed" method. Mom and Dad were fooled only briefly by this trick but nonetheless, it lead to a quick and tidy room, perfect for presenting to guests.

More recently, I have adopted the "put-as-much-crap-as-you-can-in-an-old-Target-bag-and-sort-through-it-
at-a-later-date" methodology. Once items are placed in said Target bag, it can then be placed in the closet or behind the sofa where no one has to see it. Variations on this theme include using a large paper gift bag with handles and/or an old cardboard box. This method has served me well over the years as it is a way of "compartmentalizing" my clutter. My rationale being that "one day" all I will have to do is go through the bag, sort everything out that needs sorting and I'll be done. Maybe if I went through a bag or a box every week? Why, I'd be through in no time!

These are lofty goals, but you know as well as I do that that scenario never plays out. What happens is that I accumulate more and more bags and boxes of paperwork, junk mail, books, magazines, new electronic doo-dads, games, toys, souveneirs and other crap that I can't bear to part with but don't know where to put.

Now that I have read "Clear Your Clutter with FENG SHUI," the biggest thing I take away from it is that there's not a lot of Feng Shui going on in the book. The basic gist is: "Get rid of your crap and you'll feel better and maybe win the lottery." I don't necessarily need a book on Feng Shui to tell me this, but it did point out that the accumulation of too much clutter can block the energy flow of your surroundings which may lead to disharmonies in your personal and professional life. This makes sense to me.

So, inspired, I started off small and de-cluttered my bathroom: three drawers and the under-sink cabinet. I was amazed at how many expired medicines and prescriptions I had laying about! I threw out crap I had carried from house to house and hadn't actually had a need for in years. And I have to tell you: I feel fantastic. My bathroom has never been so organized and clutter free... and now I'm inspired to get to the rest of my space.

So please, do not call one of those reality shows that will ambush me and parade my current state of cluttered chaos before a battery of cameras and basic cable subscribers. I can de-clutter myself, thankyouverymuch... now which Target bag do I start with?

Whatever

2006-04-13T17:40:00.000-07:00

Maybe it's that I haven't exercised in nearly three weeks (trip to Disneyland and AIDS Walk not withstanding)...

Maybe it's poor diet...

Maybe it's that I am just now getting over my second cold in as many months...

Maybe it's because due to an oversight, I didn't get paid overtime I was supposed to and then got the hell taxed out of it once I did get it...

Maybe it's because Ms. Sizzle is moving away...

Maybe I just need a vacation...

Whatever it is, I do not feel well. I feel a general sense of malaise and discontent coupled with an overall achey feeling and inability to make decisions. All this and a staggering lack of motivation to change any of it. I don't even know what I would change if I wanted to.

Mostly I just don't care.

Not very inspiring I realize. But hey - at least I updated my blog...

Maybe that's a start...

Hot Dog Hiatus

2006-03-29T12:53:00.000-08:00

My thanks goes out to my steadfast three readers who have reminded me that I need a refresher on the ol' blog posting. A new entry from me will emerge soon.

Until then, my friend Hot Dog has decided to take matters into his own hands and write a blog entry for me! Thank you Hot Dog! I'd suggest you start your own blog - but what with the A.D.D. and all, I don't know that you'd be much better with the updates than me...

Nonetheless, here's hoping you are once again entertained by your entry as I was...

HIATUS

(Playing the role of Mr_Rodacre today is Hot-Dog. Hot-Dog works in TV, but doesn't know how to fix them, for some reason a lot of people think he does...)

Mr_Rodacre is currently on hiatus...or in other words, he needs to regulary update his blog...otherwise, how do I get quality reading in without it involving a bowel movement and the current issue of Surfing or Maxim...I know what you're thinking, both magazines invlove half naked people...I read Surfing for the articles....

Okay, let's pretend Mr_Rodacre is off on some quest for fire...in some women's loins, and here I am guest blogging...I'd ask how you all are doing, but this isn't a monolgue and I won't be going to commercial break...and I won't be saying "welcome back" after the break because you didn't go anywhere, I did......

Recently my girlfriend and I took part in our very own arts and crafts project...we created signs using paint markers, glitter, poster board and markers to make signs...what kind o' signs you ask?...the story starts here...not really a story, but here goes...

I drive a bright red honda civic coupe which is low to the ground...it came that way from the foreign car building factories of detroit...(right about now you might be thinking, "Mr_Rodacre, no more hiatuses for you!!!") .....anyway, while driving on city streets, highways and freeways, other drivers DON'T SEE THIS BRIGHT RED CAR DRIVING NEXT TO, INFRONT OF OR BEHIND THEM....I almost get hit every day...and on February 9th, I got merged into by a white volvo on highway 1...as I was trying to keep from becoming part of the SAFETY RAILING, I missed the chance of getting the license plate of the volvo as it sped away, weaving in and out of traffic.....so if you see a white volvo with bright red honda civic coupe paint on the driver's side door, kick his or her ass...

...getting back to the signs...my lovely and multi talented, and quite flexible girlfriend came up with the idea of making signs that say: ASSH*LE / YOU SUCK AT DRVING / SIGNAL U C*NT / and others...she felt that flipping people off wasn't good enough for the people almost killing her "Whubee", hence the making of the signs...She even outlined her hand giving the bird...now you know why I love her so much......

So now when an SUV driven by some fat ass who doesn't know what S-U-V stands for, cuts me off or merges into my lane like I'm not there, he/she gets a face full of sign full of some vulgarity...but my girlfriend and I aren't uncivilized...for the children, we put asteriks in the word were they do good evil......getting back to SUVs...i say 95% of the people who drive them, don't need them...SPORT UTILITY VEHICLE people, not latte to mouth and blackberry to ear vehicles....also, I say 90% who drive hybrids do it because they're cheap penning pinching bastards, not because they're trying to be earth friendly......

I hope you enjoyed my entry.....if you read this far......if you didn't enjoy my entry, or you just read it because Mr_Rodacre updates his blog as often as I get my monthly magazine with all the half naked moist bodies for my daily reading pleasure....umm....for my daily reading......................................

This Is What I Am Talking About

2006-03-16T16:28:00.000-08:00

My horoscope for today:

Virgo
There are many metaphysical books on the market now that tout the validity of coincidence, or, more accurately, of the fact that there really is no such thing as a coincidence, only a series of symbolic events that we're occasionally smart enough to notice. When you notice just such a pattern occurring now, don't question your sanity. You're absolutely right. Once you notice, you'll have the answer to that pressing question you've been asking yourself.

I think I am on some sort of metaphysical roll...

I Should Be {So} Committed

2006-03-13T19:09:00.001-08:00

If there's one thing I learned from the "Beauty and the Geek" season finale this week - it's that you can't truly know yourself until you go outside your comfort zone.

Strangely I found this message repeated in the season finale of "Battlestar Galactica" - though not so overtly - more in the creative sense with what the producers decided to do to shake things up. ...

and in horoscopes...

I have found that when coincidences start to appear like that - when a message is being made for you to see - when you see the signs - that it's usually a good time to listen. In the spirit of living outside my comfort zone, I have decided to do something completely out of character for me:

- I am going to participate in the Wharf to Wharf race this July.

There it is. I have said it. It is out there. I can't take it back.

My dear friend Ms. Sizzle and company did the race last year and I kinda wished I had done it then - but it really wasn't for me. I hate running and barely tolerate walking, but sometimes ya gotta get up to get the remote or go to the fridge...

So inspired by Siz and the C- and D-List celebrities on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club, I have decided that I will participate in my very first race. I do not plan on actually running the entire race but we'll see how it goes.

I have started an exercise and walking plan (today is Day 2) and if I stick to it, I should be in shape come July! I promise to keep track of my progress - I just don't promise that I will do it very often...

There's more stirring in my head and heart but that's what I feel comfortable divulging right now.

More as I start stepping out of the comfort zone...

whoops

2006-03-04T02:15:00.000-08:00

so I just realized that I had my comment section restricted to only registered bloggers.

This issue has now been resolved.

You are now free to comment as a registered blogger, anonymously or as an other...

... provided of course you can get past the dreaded "word verification"...

Is This Thing On?

2006-02-27T22:28:00.001-08:00

First of all let me thank you all for reading - scratch that - visiting my blog.

All three of you.

I know really one or two of you are responding or paying attention. How do I know this? Because you are commenting on my posts and/or sending me emails asking me to update my blog. I presume this is because you are genuinely interested in what's up with me and what witty witticisms or ingenious insights I might come up with. And really, I do appreciate it... it keeps me on my toes and reminds me that people have an interest in what I have to say.

What's that? There's more than three you say? People are interested in what I have to say? Surely you jest... why - at any given time I only see comments from the same two or three people. This leads me to believe that only these two or three people are the only ones reading and quite frankly, I can update them by email or phone...

I know, I know... if I only updated my blog more often, then more people would read it and make comments... it's the goddamned chicken and the egg all over again. Let me remind my loyal three readers (and any new folk who have not been put off by any of this mumbo-jumbo) as to why it is I do not update regularly:

http://mrrodacre.blogspot.com/2005/09/joycean-process.html

Taking that into consideration, my dear friend Ms. Sizzle has "tagged" me with what they call in the blogging world as a "meme" - I believe - so as to ease my blog writing into gear and inspire you (my dear three readers) to comment appropriately. This one is called Seven Sevens:

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1. Travel outside of the United States. Preferably to Italy, England, France and Australia
2. Own my own house
3. Fall in Love/Get Married/Have a Family
4. Learn the piano
5. Take a cruise
6. See the Aurora Borealis
7. abolish mediocrity and inspire greatness (I have my work cut out for me)

Seven Things I Cannot Do:
1. Update my blog in a timely fashion
2. Speak fluently in any foreign language
3. Navigate a sailing vessel (esp. by using the stars and/or a sextant)
4. Finish a book
5. Lie/Make things up
6. Write with my left hand
7. Talk on the phone with my right ear (it's just very odd for some reason)

Seven Things That Attracted Me to Blogging:
1. Well if Sizzle can do it...
2. Seemed like a better way to journal than in the big paper version
3. Maybe there are other folks with similar thoughts
4. It can be a creative venture
5. It can be a place to vent frustrations
6. Thought if I did it regularly, I'd hone my writing skills
7. All the hot blogger grrrls

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. Indeed.
2. Ah...
3. I see...
4. Sweet!
5. Possibly...
6. Balls!
7. I'd like a grande drip - with room - please.

Seven Books I Love:
(SERIOUSLY? I would have had to actually READ them all the way through... sheesh)

1. The Fountainhead - Ayn Rand
2. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time - Mark Haddon
3. The Alchemist - Paulo Cohelo
4. Conversations With God - Neale Donald Walsch
5. You Shall Know Our Velocity - Dave Eggers (technically not finished but loved what I have read so far)
6. Geek Love - Katherine Dunn
7. As I Lay Dying - William Faulkner

Seven Movies/DVDs That I Watch Over and Over Again:
1. Star Wars - Original Trilogy (Do. Or do not. There is no try.)
2. American Beauty (It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself)
3. Raiders of the Lost Ark (Fly? Yes! Land? No!)
4. Forrest Gump (She had got the cancer and died on a Tuesday)
5. Contact (Sure seems like an awful waste of space...)
6. When Harry Met Sally (I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees outside!)
7. Fight Club (It's only after we have lost everything that we're free to do anything)

Seven People I Want To Join In
(If you have already done this, my apologies. No one has to do it if they don't want to. But if you do do it - post it in comments.)

1. Jenny 2x
2. OC Girl
3. Imadrape/B-RAD
4. Big Al
5. Hotdog
6. Ms. Angel
7. AJC

Cluelessness

2006-02-10T01:00:00.000-08:00

I am annoyed to the point of extreme dissatisfaction and disbelief. I actually would like to throttle someone, though I don't know where to begin or if it would even help.

You’d think I’d have gotten here sooner – but no… today was the day that I, Mr. Rodacre, have come to the conclusion that NO ONE knows what the hell is going on.

Anywhere.

No one has a fucking clue.

When I was young – I thought: “Boy, adults got the whole world figured out! They know how things work and why things are the way they are and they’re all so smart… One day, I’ll be an adult and know stuff too!”

Then I became an adult and realized that there was no final exam in "How Things Work" or "Why Things Are The Way They Are." We're all in this together and none of us has a clue where we're going. And the ones that think they do are just really good at blowing smoke up your ass making you think they have the answers when really – they got bupkis and a smile.

Without getting into specifics, let me just say that my frustration today stems from work and technology and no one having a fucking clue as to how to integrate new, old or existing technologies properly so I and my co-workers can do our job effectively and efficiently.

It seems that everyone knows a piece of the elephant but they don’t know how it all goes together and it turns out to be a fucked up Brundlefly (bonus points to those who get that reference) of a beast - so what should take 5 minutes to do takes an hour and a half of engineers, IT people, managers and co-workers (who kinda sorta know how the thing works but not really) pulling out their hair, scratching their heads, and cursing technology which is supposed to make their lives easier.

On top of that, no one is trained on how to use the technologies that are introduced forcing a sink or swim situation which ultimately leads to greater frustration and the non-use of said newly introduced technologies because no one knows how to fucking use it or has the time to take to sit down and learn it because they are too busy doing the job they already know how to do without trying to learn new shit on equipment that isn’t set up properly in the first place.

And even though my frustration stems from a very personal issue, the problem is on a global scale – no one knows what the fuck they are doing:

9/11
Hurricane Katrina
2000 and 2004 ‘presidential elections’
Medicare
Iraq
Britney driving with baby on lap

I have had enough.

I am changing my world starting today.

Pimp My Ride

2006-02-06T21:52:00.000-08:00

One of the beautiful things about car insurance is what is known as "rental reimbursement". Basically, the insurance pays for a certain amount per day for me to drive a rental car while my lowly bucket is being repaired. To my delight, the helpful and attractive (read: HOT) woman at the rent-a-car place wooed me with the promise of a luxury car for only $3.50 a day more over what insurance would pay for.

Quick math-letes will discover that at one week, I'm basically spending about $25 for the week to drive the sweetest car EVER! Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the Chrysler 300... (cue fanfare...)

This sucker kicks ASS! I am pretty sure this is a base model which means I am rockin' a 3.5 liter V-6 rear-wheel drive. The ride is smoooooooth... And this beast is HUGE - with gas tank to match...

Seriously, I feel like a bad-ass just KNOWING I get to drive this thing.

And I've got unlimited mileage through Friday - so any of y'all need a ride gimme a shout out!

Crash

2006-02-03T11:34:00.000-08:00

So I'm driving home from work Sunday morning about 1:00am. The 40 mile, one-way trip includes a back county road shortcut that bridges the distance between two main highways. There are other ways to get from here to there - but technically this is the fastest and shortest route. I am minding the 55mph speed limit. No one else is on the road. There are no streetlights - merely a smattering of earnest security lights from ranch houses nestled in the hills and valleys along the way.

As I am navigating along the rain-slicked road, listening to the condescending producers of "Lost" via podcast, I catch a small red "something" in the center of the road - not in my immediate path but over on the double yellow line. At the time I think it looks like the cap of a spray paint can. No sooner did I make the association...

BAM! CRACK! CRASH!

The explosion that sounded at first to be some sort of Disney Fireworks Spectacular in my passenger seat had scared the shit outta me. Did I hit something? I didn't see anything!? I look over at my passenger window but it is no longer there! It has been COMPLETELY SHATTERED!

OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! AM I BEING SHOT AT?!?
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!?

Through some small miracle (or a testament to my adept skill behind the wheel) I do not swerve off-road and manage to maintain my present speed. My thought is that I don't want to stop because if someone IS shooting at me, I certainly would not like that to continue. I check the rear view mirror for the shooter or for any sign that I may have hit something unseen that would cause my window to explode. I check myself for bullet wounds.

Let me repeat that...

I check myself for bullet wounds.

As the cold, damp air is rushing about, I check to see if I may have been cut by any glass that has exploded inside the vehicle. I check for any sign of a projectile lodged in the plastic interior. I turn the map light on and give a quick glance around... nothing. I check myself again for bullet wounds. Aside from the newly discovered rhythm section beneath my sternum, I was physically okay. Oh, and this is the one stretch of road with NO CELL PHONE RECEPTION.

Once I get to an area of reception who do I call? What do I do? Do I call the police? The sheriff? California Highway Patrol? 911? I know that I really don't want to stop and have to wait for anyone. I know that I want to get home. I call my housemate/best friend and tell him what just went down. I tell him I am okay but I am freaked-the-fuck-out and I am just gonna drive home and assess the damage.

Noting a smudge of something on the back passenger window, for a moment I imagine that a large owl was flying and somehow collided with me. And then I start thinking about what THAT would all mean... is there some sort of cosmic, spiritual significance? If an owl flies into your car - that'd be weird - like a sign right?

When I get home we investigate. Apparently something HIT the car door where the door and window meet thus causing it to shatter. The smudge on the back window is actually a scrape in the glass. There is a rust-colored residue at the impact site mingling with the moisture on the car. This cancels out the whole mystical owl scenario...

Next day on the way to work, I go CSI-style back to the scene with the digital camera. I discover three pieces of brick by the side of the road. This explains the red residue at the site of impact. Auto glass is strewn about. There are remnants of brick in the center of the road - right over the double yellow line.

Clearly this was no accident: I am the victim of a crime.

Someone threw a brick at my car as I was driving on a rain-slicked road at one o'clock in the fucking morning.

I snap photos, I get addresses, I collect the bricks and head to work.

To my utter dismay and frustration, no law enforcement agency was even interested in taking a report on the incident because there were no injuries and no suspects.

HELLO?!? I COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED!

So I feel real safe driving home now. I feel secure in the knowledge that at any moment a projectile may be hurled at my vehicle and that as long as no one is hurt and there is no suspect - no one really cares except my insurance claims adjuster. I would have been happy even if they took my report and just threw it away afterward. I just wanted someone to LISTEN to what I had to say instead of callously shuffling me aside because there are no fucking suspects or mortalitites.

I know that I am not alone. But it certainly feels that way.

Young & Old

2006-01-15T15:21:00.001-08:00

I saw two movies this weekend that were truly polar opposites in nature. It's like watching "Bambi" and "Silence of the Lambs" as a double feature. It's like puppies and giant squids. Like Britney Spears and Johnny Cash. Read on...

"These aren't just jeans. They make things happen..."
- "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"

And they must really work because a lot of people shelled out a lot of money and spent a lot of time to read a book and watch a movie about a pair of magic, traveling pants shared by a quartet of adolescent girls (who are waaaay too wise for their young years). The verdict? Sappy, corny, sweet, mostly harmless. But c'mon... with dialogue like: "These aren't just jeans. They make things happen," sometimes it was downright cringe-worthy... If I were a thirteen year old girl, I'm sure I'd see it, like, a million times! As a 35-year-old male - mmm... not so much. The bonus? Alexis Bledel in a bikini (or was that her underwear?)! Yes, yes, she plays a 16 year old, but she's really 24 - gimme a break...

"The TV is both a clock and a calendar. It's your school, your home, your church, your friend... "
- "Oldboy"

This movie is the antithesis to the Traveling Pants. "Oldboy" is a Korean film that came out in 2003. Simply stated, it is the story of a man, wrongly imprisoned, who seeks revenge for his captivity. That's all I will say about the plot. The direction and storyline are incredible. The cinematography and editing were inspired. The twists and turns are truly shocking. Even though I figured some things out early on, it did not diminish my enjoyment in watching the relvelation. Not to say the film is predictable, I am just freakishly good at figuring things out. Like I knew what was up with "The Sixth Sense" and "Fight Club" about halfway through each film. Anyway, "Oldboy" has it's share of gratuitous violence and adult themes. And as a 35-year-old male - I can appreciate that. It's way, way, way not for the Traveling Pants crowd... really.

What have we learned today? Jeans can be magical and revenge is never pretty.

These are really important life lessons.

I feel like I'm growing.

Distraction

2006-01-07T02:25:00.000-08:00

There's a number of things I could discuss about my life these past few weeks... for now, a pleasant distraction courtesy of Ms. Sizzle:

[A is for age:]
I am a 35 year old boy.

[B is for booze of choice:]
Disarrano on the rocks.

[C is for career:]
At present, I work in television.

[D is for your dog's name:]
My dog is a cat. His name is Maxx.

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
Coffee. TiVo. Computer. Pen. Sunglasses.

[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
At this moment: anything by Deathcab For Cutie

[G is for favorite games:]
Cranium. Sudoku. Galaga.

[H is for hometown:]
Riverside, CA - or as my father calls it "The armpit of the universe."

[I is for instruments you play:]
Took drum lessons in the 4th grade. I couldn't play like Phil Collins so I quit.

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]
Raspberry. Seedless preferred. Mixed berry works too.

[K is for kids:]
Someday I'll make great dad.

[L is for last kiss:]
Rhymes with "biz fizzle" ... Start the rumor mill...

[M is for most admired trait:]
I am maddeningly patient.

[N is for name of your crush:]
There are so many... let's go with Lauren Graham today.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
One when I was a kid - I had tubes put in my ears. And then I had two sleep studies done - technically not in a hospital - but doctors monitored me and I had wires hooked up and whatnot.

[P is for phobias:]
Bugs. I don't fear heights so much as falling and dying from them.

[Q is for quotes you like:]
"Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it; Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - Goethe

[R is for biggest regret:]
Can't think of anything at the moment.

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
One word: Chocolate.

[T is for time you wake up:]
10-11ish. What? I have a late schedule...

[U is for underwear:]
I am in a transitional period from tighty whities to colored boxer-briefs

[V is for vegetables you love:]
Squash. Tomatoes. Avocados. (two of those are acually fruits but whaddayagonna do?)

[W is for worst habit:]
Procrastination.

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
Dental x-rays only. As far as I know...

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
I can make a mean eggplant parmigiana and a beef stroganoff. Also - I have honed my omelet mnaking skills.

[Z is for zodiac sign:]
I am on the Virgo/Libra cusp. Mostly Virgo though...

Ms. Sizzle...

2005-12-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

I'm so glad you are on vacation, but I really wish you were here...

Beauty and the Beast

2005-12-14T13:51:00.000-08:00

So say you're living on your island, fighting dinosaurs and swinging from vines. You're living the bachelor life - plenty of trees to snack on and cliffs to climb. You get the occasional blind date hook-up from your native homies - but it never works out due to her inability to be shaken about like a rag-doll so mostly you're alone.

Then one day, your peeps hook you up with the ~~gorilla~~ girl of your dreams. She's beautiful. She makes you laugh, she stands up for herself and she shows you how to appreciate the beauty in the world. And you love her. So much so you protect her from the vicious attacks of predators both man and beast. You put her on a pedestal - so she will be with you, safe from harm.

Her peeps don't understand why she's so into you. They just see you as a big ape that throws people and cars around. You know you're so much more than that. She knows it too. But ultimately you two know that it's not going to work out... not because you don't love each other, but because you're from two different worlds and these sorts of things rarely work out in the movies. Ultimately, you're killed - not by the planes and the guns - but by the beauty you so dearly loved.

And so is the story of King Kong. I caught the midnight show last night and man what a ride! The film literally has it all - laughs, scares, thrills, love, romance, adventure. The movie reviewer who said "King Kong is everything people want in movies" was 100% on the money.

It's a classic story with elements of action and adventure and love and loss and the newest incarnation of the classic film is indeed a classic in its own right. It is obvious that director Peter Jackson has a love and a respect for the original 1933 King Kong (it inspired him to make movies as a child). His enthusiasm and love for the film is infused in every frame of this remake.

Go see it on the big screen while you can! Right now!

A Man Can Dream...

2005-12-07T02:07:00.000-08:00

Last night I had a prophetic dream. A dream of adventure, strife and true love. A dream of "The One."

In my dream I embarked on an epic quest to rescue my true love from a dilapidated house that was falling in around her as well as protect her from the seemly ne'er-do-well that threatened her. We made our way over trecherous wooden planks, deep chasms and through a bubbling mud bog swamp... and I knew she was The One...

Lorelai Gilmore

No not Lauren Graham who plays Lorelai Gilmore on TV's "Gilmore Girls" but it was Lorelai Gilmore in the flesh. She was The One. The One I would happily marry and spend the rest of my days trading lightning-fast, pop-culture quips, watching old movies and TV shows with, sharing loving, if not slightly sarcastic, side-long glances... She knew it. I knew it. It was bliss...

Then I woke up...

This evening I watched the Gilmore Girls and Lorelai's home (at least her bedroom anyway) had been ripped open by a seemly ne'er-do-well (her future brother-in-law) and she was rescued by none other than her strapping new fiance... Luke. (i.e. not me)

It would seem that I have an unusual psychic ability that enables me to dream about what I will see on TV the next day. This is not the first time this has happened either... Granted there were no deep chasms, wooden planks or bubbling mud bogs in the real-world episode, but I'm sure the producers had to leave something on the cutting room floor.

What this says about my life I will leave up to your own capable interpretations... discuss...

evian flu

2005-11-30T17:40:00.000-08:00

First off - please spare me the whole "didn't you know that 'evian' spelled backwards is 'naive?'" arguments. I won't think you original, funny or particularly clever. In fact, I may decide to not speak to you ever again.

Truth be told, you might not hear from me anyway as I may well be on my way to the bathroom. It seems I have developed a case of what I like to call the "evian flu," categorized by an increased intake of water, expanded bladder and frequent trips to the little boys' room.

After the "7-11 Bad Apple Incident" I took it upon myself to get a bottle of water I knew I could count on: evian. Proclaimed to be "slowly filtered through a vast aquafer deep within the mountain for at least 15 years" evian is the only bottled water I know of that lists a mineral content. And lets face it - we all need minerals. Plus it is pH balanced and sodium free.

Whatever evian truly does or doesn't do to their water - I do not know - but I do know that the water has a silky texture that makes me want to drink more of it. That and the bottle design for their one liter model is terrific. It's a little reminiscent of the classic Coca-Cola bottle but it has grippy things in just the right place at the bottom. And they carry out the whole French Alp motif with a jagged relief towards the top.

In spite of my love for the texture of the evian water, I am not a masochist (no surprises there...) and do not intend to pay $1.50 for a bottle of water everyday (coffee? that's another story...) so I have taken to refilling my little bottle several times from the water cooler at work. This despite the printed warning "Do not refill" the evian people have so carefully placed in very small print on the side (in an effort to increase sales, no doubt). I can't help it though - it's a great bottle and I want to re-use it. In fact the bottle design itself is making me want to drink more water... and thus, the "evian flu" was born.

Scoff if you want to at my love for the French water and their fancy-schmancy, European bottle designs - I don't have time to listen anyway - I'm on my way to the bathroom...

7-11 & The Bad Apple

2005-11-28T19:14:00.002-08:00

In my haste to get out the door this morning (okay - technically, this afternoon) I forgot to make my lunch and didn't grab any snacks. This used to not be much of a problem because I would usually go out and get some obscenely large burger combo for lunch and call it a day. But I have recently joined the Weight Watchers and so have been endevouring to eat more healthfully. So far, it's been going pretty well and I have very nearly shed 10 pounds in a month. Bravo, indeed!

Anyway, on the way into work, the roommate had to stop at a nearby 7-11 to pick up some cigarettes so I availed myself the opportunity to at least pick up some snacks and a bottle of water for the day.

Fortunately - they offer fresh fruit: I picked up two outrageously overpriced "red, delicious" apples and a liter of "Classic Selection Spring Water" (I had never heard of it either) Yay for me! Making a healthy decision at a convenience store known for Slurpees and beef jerky!

Unfortunately - the apples were far from "red" and "delicious" (okay they were red) and tasted more like mushy cardboard. The water left a bit to be desired too... as if they watered the apple trees with water from the same spring that birthed my bottle of water.

I mean I applaud 7-11 and other convenience stores for having a "healthy" alternative to the prepackaged processed crap but c'mon, can't it at least taste good? Can't it at least be fresh? This is probably too much to ask I am sure, it was probably enough of an uphill battle to offer fresh fruits in the first place.

If only I were on the Slurpee and beef jerky diet - I'd a been set...

Status Quo

2005-11-23T14:37:00.000-08:00

Well it's been about 10 days since my last post so I'm sure you're all excited to know what's up with yours truly:

Nothing much...

Oh - I did get Coldplay tickets for February! So that's, you know, cool. I missed them back in August so I am stoked that I get to go. I have asked Ms. Sizzle to go with me though she is not familiar with the band so much. I made her a Coldplay sampler disc with songs from all their albums that she can take with her to Seattle this weekend and get acquainted.

Other than that... you know... same ol' same ol'...

Oh - saw a few movies:

Good Night and Good Luck - like C-SPAN from the '50s and about as boring - good performances, cinematography and lighting though;

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - fun and entertaining but pretty much the same premise as the other three films: Harry senses Voldemort is returning, Voldemort is somehow returning with the help of one of his lackeys, the new Hogwarts professor/quirky character may or may not be said lackey, Harry confronts lackey and then Voldemort only to keep him at bay until the next movie, Dumbledore gives Harry sage advice, The End. This is the exact same plot in every movie and I presume every book. Why is this so popular?

Jarhead - good flick from the director of American Beauty. Ultimately the film doesn't seem to go anywhere - but it works brilliantly because that's kinda the gist of the film. Jake Gyllenhall gives a great performance and Peter Saarsgard is one of my favorite young actors.

Shopgirl - aside from a distracting voiceover narration by Steve Martin, this was a sweet, romantic film. Funny in all the right places. There was some attempt at comparing the two main male leads though I don't think it was pulled off as effectively as it could have been. Maybe it was too overt... I dunno. And Claire Danes has a nice ass. But then, you probably suspected as much.

Aside from that... you know... not much going on...

One could argue - "Well if you don't have much going on, why not update your blog, tough guy?"

And then I may respond, "Not much to write about and I'm not really good at making stuff up."

And then one may say, "Well how hard is it? Just write something! I mean I could do that!"

And then I might say, "Yeah? Well go ahead! Write something!"

And then one may retort with "Okay, I will!"

And then I might read it.

And then blog about it.

Maybe.

The Shameful Shags - Mr. Rodacre Edition

2005-11-14T14:20:00.000-08:00

Inspired by my dear friend, Ms. Sizzle (who was inspired by someone else and so on... infinity...), I present to you my very own list of lovely ladies who don't exactly fit the conventional norms of "beauty" in Hollywood but secretly drive me crazy with lust... Ms. Sizzle says they all look the same... and well... maybe they do.... but is that so wrong?

First up - the lovely and talented Janeane Garafolo. There was a reason she was placed opposite Uma Thurman in "The Truth About Cats and Dogs" - but I'd pick Janeane over Uma any day... She's funny and ascerbic. She writes. She acts. She's on the radio. She's a political activist. And she looks damn sexy with those glasses....

I first remember seeing Illeanna Douglas in "Stir of Echos" with Kevin Bacon. I think it was then that I wanted to marry her. Then she played the overly- tanned Loretta in Seinfeld who wouldn't let George break up with her. And she's been in a whole slew of other things that I probably haven't seen, but I should. She seems geeky and a little gawky and yet... rwwarrr!

Allison Janney. C'mon. She's just hot. I'd let her give me a presidential briefing any day of the week.

Rachel Dratch can play anything from Ally McBeal to Oliver Twist to Frodo and is simply hillarious. Laughter... very sexy...

Last but not least, the lovely and talented Holland Taylor. I still remember her from Bosom Buddies but it was her turn as Judge Roberta Kittleson on "The Practice" that sealed the deal for me... Jimmy "the Grunt" Berlutti was a lucky lucky man...

Now I could psycho-analyze me all day long based upon my choices here but I already know me pretty well... What do you think?

TiVo Loves Me

2005-11-08T03:08:00.001-08:00

I was talking with my friend Emma today when the following conversation actually transpired:

Emma: So how are you? How've you been?

Me: Um... you know, okay I guess. Gosh it's really hard for me to answer that question... I don't know, I mean nothing is really going on. Just work and, well, I have no love life to speak of...

Emma: So, do you need to move somewhere where there's more chicks, or what?

Me: No... I mean.. well, I just got TiVo and all...

This is my life. I couldn't make that up. Any chance of me ever "getting any" has been eclipsed by the arrival of the TiVo Digital Video Recorder. But I mean c'mon let's face it - I wasn't getting any anyway... might as well keep entertained...

whoa... I was just going to say something foolish like "If they could combine the TiVo with internet dating - I'd totally be set!" But then I realized, sadly, someone beat me to the punch.

I have already annoyed the crap outta everyone within earshot about the marvels of TiVo so I have no intention of doing so here. Suffice to say, I have a lot more TV to watch now. And I work in TV - hey can I get some kinda write off?

The Little Vampire

2005-11-02T18:09:00.000-08:00

So I dressed up as a vampire for Halloween.

This wasn't the first time I have chosen this costume, but it was the first time in a long time I had opted to go as something (somewhat) scary. Costumes of recent past include: Old-Time Movie Director, Marty McFly (BTTF2), Neo (The Matrix), Silent Bob (pick a Kevin Smith movie) and Jedi Knight. My preference is to go with movie-related costumes generally, but this year I felt it was time to return to my roots as classic Vampire.

One of the earliest get-ups I remember as a kid was being a vampire. There was of course the obligatory plastic, ill-fitting teeth and Mom helped out with hair and make-up. One year, Mom decided to go a little different though and use a green makeup for my face. I thought this was especially creepy... and I think others did too... I have a vague recollection of winning some sort of class-based costume contest at school for the green-faced vampire ensemble. I did the green vampire for another year or so and then moved on to the more movie-themed costumes.

In high school (or shortly thereafter - it all blends together) I went with the "Lost Boys"- inspired vampire look one Halloween and had managed to craft my own teeth out of some Friendly Plastic which I held in place with denture adhesive. Worked like a charm. And I didn't need a big costumed get-up - I could just wear regular clothes. Simplicity.

This year, it was all about the classic vampire look. And it seems some enterprising companies stole my Friendly Plastic teeth idea because there is no limit to the number of vampire teeth appliances that were available this season. Made my job easier anyway... I had the staples for the costume and just needed some makeup, cheap medallion and a cape and VOILA! I am the Count! AH AH AH!

I had no party to go to or anything. I just dressed up for work. I was one of two people who dressed up. The other guy dressed up as a Mormon - replete with short-sleeved shirt and tie, bike helmet and backpack. It was pretty funny I guess... and certainly scary... (no offense to those of you Mormons enjoying my blog - I have seen more than my share of patently offensive Catholic-inspired costumes).

So I managed to scare a few unwitting ladies and garner the approval of various bosses and co-workers who thought it "cool" of me to dress up. Party-poopers all of them! It's Halloween man! You don't get to dress up as a vampire just any ol'day of the year (well, you do if you're into certain gothy styles or have some sort of fetish - but that's another blog entry entirely...)

Why the vampire? Well, it is a classic Halloween fixture. Could be scary - could be comedic - depending on one's take. Do I have some secret yearning to actually BE a vampire? To be one of the undead? To live forever sucking on the blood of the living? No... don't be silly...

Though some of you might think it fitting based on the hours I keep...

Choose Your Own Adventure

2005-10-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

The stories that we enjoy are meant to be a reflection of life. Sometimes a diversion from our present surroundings. Sometimes a commentary. Sometimes a glimpse into worlds we might never know.

As it stands right now, I have too many books to read. Too many movies to see. Too many TV shows to watch. Too many songs to listen to. Too many games to play. Quite simply - I have too many stories to immerse myself in. I find that I spend so much time invested in the stories that play out on TV and the movies and in books and games and online that I have no idea what the narrative thread of my own life actually is. Is it something I would watch, read, consume?

I guess that's where the blog fills a void of sorts. I mean in the old days, way back in the 20th century, people would keep journals and diaries, write memoires and autobiographies or even short stories and novels that painted the picture of their lives and what the world was like according to them. I suppose these activities are still going on. However, with the rise of weblogs, everyone with their own story to tell and an internet connection can create a narrative of their own lives for all the world to see.

But who is consuming these stories? Why is it easier to lose oneself in the story of another than it is to live one's own life or to write one's own narative?

I suppose it is always easier from the outside looking in because of the lack of attachment to any given situation. No matter the vested interest you may have in the characters - whether fictional or real - it is easier to look at someone else's narrative and say "You should have done this," - or - "No no no! Don't go back in that room!" - or - "That's not what I would have done."

But is what you "would have done" the best course of action? If someone "should have done" something differently, then the narrative would have gone a completely different way. It may not have been as exciting. Is that the best way to keep viewers/readers interested? Is that the best way to tell your own story?

We all know the main component in any good story is conflict. Without conflict - all stories would be boring and characters would never learn anything about themselves or the world they live in. So if you "would have done" something differently than the character in the story, well then that wouldn't have been as interesting a story would it? Likewise if you "would have done" something differently in your own life, then maybe you would not have learned a valuable life lesson. You would not be the story you are today.

Looking at stories from the outside can also give us a feeling of superiority. As if we know what is best to do in any given situation and what the best course of action would be for a given character. This may or may not be true for the viewer/reader/consumer but it is absolutely incumbent on the creator/author/storyteller to know what is best for their characters and how best to give their stories an arc of development. An element of growth that we as consumers can relate to.

The best stories keep you guessing as to what will happen next. The best characters are the ones who learn from their stories. And the best storytellers are the ones that know how to balance the story with character and make it relevant to the consumer.

How is your story coming along? Do you have that balance? Is there enough conflict to create an arc for your character? Is your main character learning lessons about the way the world is? Is your story something that would interest you if you were looking at it from the outside in?

At present, it seems that the stories I consume are the stories that make up my own narrative. Is that the best course of action for my character? Hard to say. He can look to the lessons learned in stories and apply them to his own character development. He has a knack for seeing things from the outside and is able to rearrange the elements in a way that is ultimately more satisfying - in a way that makes a better story than the one he started with - though he can't really make anything up. He is usually not one to take many risks though he thrives on challenges. He probably questions his own motivations more than he recognizes. And he continues to refer to himself in the third person.

So I ask again, is this narrative - my story - one that I myself would watch/read/consume?

I think so. But I'd want the author to punch up the main character a bit.

Thank You, Ms. Sizzle

2005-10-17T02:05:00.000-07:00

I haven't had a day off since last Friday.

I hadn't planned to work this past Friday, but I needed to. In order to get some things done by deadline, I needed to be there to make things happen. And to my utter frustration - it didn't all get done. I mean I had planned to work Saturday too and I was resigned to having another one-day weekend. For the most part I enjoy my work and I generally take frequent breaks to distract myself. But it's the little things that add up that get under my skin.

Technology, inexperience, and other people's inexperience with technology all played key factors which ultimately drove me to something of a meltdown at work by the time I left. I blame no one. I had limited sleep to begin with and didn't eat all day. Several cups of coffee and chocolate fueled the day. Constantly being asked to assist on unrelated projects didn't help. But really - there was no one else to ask.

The only thing that made my day was my dinner with Ms. Sizzle. That was the one thing I was looking forward to all day and I was almost certain it wasn't going to happen until it finally did.

Thank you for being patient, Ms. Sizzle. Thank you for listening. Thank you for a wonderful dinner. Thank you for ordering the wine. Thank you for ice cream in waffle cones. Thank you for not judging me. Thank you for helping me forget about my day. Thank you for helping me forget the time. Thank you for your smile and your laugh and the little voice you use when you talk to the kitties and Lou. Thank you for getting on my ass about updating my blog. Thank you for the hugs.

Thank you, Ms. Sizzle, you made my day - and you probably didn't even know it...

I thought you should...

Horoscope for Virgo - October 8, 2005

2005-10-08T21:27:00.000-07:00

While the rest of us anguish about what to do next about the latest series of snafus the Universe has tossed our way, you seem to be having a far less difficult time -- that is, unless you take into account the fact that you're having a heck of a time trying to decide whether you want to be completely alone or alone with just one loved one who really understands you. Hey. Ask around. It could be worse.

And thus the real reason I cancelled two dates this weekend is revealed...

...well that and I'm broke and I'm indifferent about the two prospects.

Anyone know of a loved one who "really understands" me and is into being alone together?

What? It said "ask around"...

I am not even supposed to be here today.

2005-10-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

It is Saturday. I have a lot of work to do so I am putting in some OT because I have deadlines and well, things need to get done. So I am at work on a Saturday.

I made a Starbucks pitstop on the way to work for a grande coffee. I was asked if I could wait "like three minutes 'cause we're brewing a fresh pot?" so I says, yes, of course, because hey - fresh coffee. I sit and busy myself with a stray newspaper. Time passes. My internal chronometer informs me that three minutes has come and gone and still - no coffee. So I get up and it seems the girl who promised me coffee had left so I had to convince the barista who originally took my money that I had yet to receive my coffee. She seems confused as if she had known me in a previous life but couldn't quite place me. She gets me my coffee and I leave.

Upon returning to my car I marvelled at the huge orb web some crafty spider had constructed twixt my side mirror and window. I noticed it before I left the house but I was just amazed that it was still hanging on the car. I even tugged at one of the support strings and it didn't budge. So I look on the ground to find a crushed Coca-Cola cup and decide this will be the tool I would use to remove the crafty spider's handiwork (leggywork?). This plan backfires as I spill rivulets of clear syrupy Sprite all over the side of my car.

On the way to work, I am surrounded by incompetent drivers who do not know what a turn lane looks like or how to properly use a turn signal. I also notice my coffee tastes funny. Like not right somehow. Like maybe the half and half went bad and nobody said anything. Oh sure I drank the coffee anyway. But I didn't like it.

Arriving at work, I discovered that my computer had contracted a virus that Symantec's Norton Anti-Virus could not "Clean", "Disinfect" or "Quarantine" but it was able to "Define." So I managed to get online and download their removal tool for the particular virus it says I have and It has been doing it's thing for well over an hour and a half now. (for those of you keeping score, I have access to several computers so I can write this somewhere else while my computer takes a Silkwood Shower)

I do not think I am supposed to be here. I think I should have stayed home and caught up on my TV shows from this week.

R.I.P. Joe Boxer

2005-10-06T01:25:00.002-07:00

Friends, during my travels this summer, it saddens me to say I suffered a very personal and tragic loss: the death of my beloved denim jean shorts.

I remember we met at the K-Mart that was closing down on the other side of town a little over a year ago. They were on sale for $15.88. Joe Boxer. Helluva brand - complete with cell phone pocket and zippered side pocket for your other cell phone (or wallet, or MP3 player, or various sundries).

Comfy. Dependable. Extra pockets. These fine denim jean shorts were a staple of my summertime wardrobe.

Now apparently, SOME people did not care for my beloved denim jean shorts. Threats were made. Name calling ensued. Why, I was just this side of a "Jean Shorts Intervention" I'll have you know. It seems that the ladies are not such a fan of the denim jean shorts. I am 35 years old and I am just now finding this out. You really do learn something new every day.

Oh but I wore them still. They were MY denim jean shorts. My wardrobe staple. My (un)fashion(able) security blanket.

Then one fine summer day in Minnesota, it happened. Whilst getting into a car I heard the unmistakeable sound:

***RRRRRIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPP***

And it was over. Just like that.

No amount of staples, Stitch Witchery or duct tape could repair the damage wrought by my great white ass.

Oh sure, I could get another pair of denim jean shorts but it wouldn't be the same. And SOME people would treat me with disdain. Mocking me and my pasty white legs as they poke out of the denim jean shorts of shame. Instead I am encouraged to try OTHER shorts made out of OTHER material.

I know I'll get past it. Perhaps I'll even come to love a nice pair of khaki cargo shorts. Or have an affair with some cotton blend bermuda shorts replete with matching woven leather belt. But nothing can take the place of my beloved denim jean shorts...

Rest in peace, Joe Boxer.

You shall be missed.

It's A Story About Love...

2005-09-29T20:46:00.000-07:00

I heard this song in a store the other day and I can't get it outta my head. For one, I loved the song since I was a kid. Then I remembered it was put to good use in Moulin Rouge. Some people however detest it. Anyway, now I shall torture you all with the following:

Silly Love Songs

By Paul McCartney

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly love songs.

But I look around me and I see it isn't so.

Some people wanna fill the world with silly love songs.

And what's wrong with that?

I'd like to know, 'cause here I go again

I love you, I love you,

I can't explain the feeling's plain to me, say can't you see?

Ah, she gave me more, she gave it all to me

Now can't you see,

What's wrong with that

I need to know, 'cause here I go again

I love you, I love you

Love doesn't come in a minute,

Sometimes it doesn't come at all

I only know that when I'm in it

It isn't silly, no, it isn't silly, love isn't silly at all.

How can I tell you about my loved one?

(I love you)

How can I tell you about my loved one?

(I love you)

Duckie Loves... Chachi? WTF?!?

2005-09-22T16:48:00.000-07:00

Long before Jon Cryer made "Duckie" famous in Pretty in Pink, there was Chachi Arcola.

Cousin to Arthur "Fonz" Fonzarelli on TV's Happy Days, Chachi was my link to pre-teen coolness. Even though he was a rough and tumble kid and not too bright - he was Fonzie's cousin, which by default, made him instantly cool. Of course I was nothing like Chachi - but still he was in my demographic and he was in that movie with Jodie Foster.

Chachi was portrayed by the legendary, Scott Baio who, coincidentally, shares my birthday of September 22nd (that's today for all of you who weren't paying attention).

As it turns out I also share today with a fair number of other notables (though none as cool as Chachi, of course): Tommy Lasorda (formerly of the LA Dodgers), Michael Faraday (inventor of electromagnetic motors), rockers Joan Jett and Nick Cave, rapper Mystikal, actresses Bonnie Hunt & Shari Belafonte Harper, as well as the fictional (to most anyway) Bilbo and Frodo Baggins.

In honor of my 35th birthday, my dear friend Ms. Sizzle has declared today "Day of the Dumpling" (her little name for me) and will be taking me to dinner tomorrow night! Yay! My best, good friend Briana called to wish me birthday goodness! And my dear Jenny Jenny gave me my favorite poem! Plus my best friend and roommate Andy washed my car for me this morning AND is taking me to dinner Saturday night and then we're going to see "Bat Boy: The Musical!"

It's a birthday extravaganza!

Of course today... I have to work. BUT, my boss got me a reserve for Star Wars Episode III on DVD!! And I bought myself the Battlestar Galactica Season One box set with some birthday money from my Aunt Marge and Uncle Ed! Yay!

Happy Birthday to me!

Lethargy 1. Epiphany 0.

2005-09-20T20:16:00.000-07:00

I do not think you can actually TELL someone to expect an epiphany.

I think this taints the whole process.

I was looking. And waiting. And hoping. And praying. And thinking. And wondering. And ya know what?

I got nothing.

No big REVELATIONS. No huge AHA moments. Just the realization that I have grown beyond the borders of Humboldt County. And for that, I am grateful. Not that I didn't enjoy my time while living there. And not that I didn't have fun revisiting my past. It's just that it was time for me to move on when I did.

I pretty much already knew this.

The big reunion was great. It was a kick to see so many familiar faces after three plus years. And it wasn't even weird. It was just like old times.
Someone did bring fireworks though and I thought that was kind of ironic...

Free-Will Horoscope Day

2005-09-16T01:55:00.000-07:00

My horoscope for this week according to Rob Brezsny:

VIRGO
The planetary omens for you are all about revelation and flashes of insight, so I don't think I'm being too outrageously optimistic when I predict that the coming days will bring you more "aha!"-type experiences than you've had in the past four months combined. In fact, I'll be bold and call this Eureka Explosion Week. To get yourself in the mood, read these definitions of the word "epiphany": a stroke of realization about the meaning of something important; a sudden flow of inspiring knowledge without thought; a perception of a previously hidden reality by means of a burst of intuition.

Eureka Explosion Week? That's fitting since later today I am headed up to Humboldt County for a weekend reunion with some of my former workmates from the TV station up in - where else? - Eureka! AND I have fireworks... (okay I don't have fireworks)

You know, when I lived there, I was really searching for my own way in the world - learning independence and figuring things out for myself. I very much enjoyed the irony of living in town whose very name means "I have found it."

Now that I am going back for the first time in over three years, I am curious to know if my horoscope and this journey into my past may somehow be intertwined?

See you in a few days with the results...

The Joycean Process

2005-09-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

ahhh... the ironic Quote of the Day:

The writer who possesses the creative gift owns something of which he is not always master- something that at time strangely wills and works for itself.
-Charlotte Bronte (1816-55), English novelist, poet

Okay, so if you are reading this, you are here due to one of three scenarios:

1 - you know me and I told you about my blog
2 - you don't know me but found me through someone else's blog
3 - sheer dumb luck

Regardless of how you got here, I now have a precious few moments to capture your attention and possibly provoke a reaction, question or comment from you. You are no doubt expecting some form of insight, entertainment or enlightenment from my little digital diary. And if you are a regular reader of blogs, then you may come to expect a new entry every day to fulfill your insatiable need to peer into my psyche.

Let me dissuade you from that notion right now.

You see, when I sit down to write, I often become paralyzed with fear because unless something exciting has crossed my path during the day, I usually don't know what to write about. I try to distract myself by playing little writing games like:

A) "I'll just start writing about how I don't have anything to say and see what happens!" - or -

B) "If I can write a whole paragraph, then I'll go get a cup of coffee..." - or -

C) "I'll work through my process by writing every little stream-of-consciousness flotsam that bubbles to the surface and hope people find that entertaining until I think of something real to write about."

Now to add onto my already burgeoning fear of not knowing what to write about, I am tasked with having to be somewhat entertaining and funny. I mean I certainly wouldn't want to bore people who came here of their own free will. Plus there is the issue of self-censorship because you obviously cannot or will not want to write about certain people, issues or topics when it is a fair bet that certain people, issues or topics may be reading your blog and may not appreciate such a full disclosure.

So the self-imagined pressure of having to have something entertaining for regular readers to read regularly coupled with self-imposed self-censorship and the fear of not knowing what to write at any given time instills in me a behavior I like to call 'not writing anything.'

Obviously today I went with option 'C.'

Wondertainment

2005-09-10T23:00:00.000-07:00

Have you ever got up in the morning and wonder...

Where the hell your life went? Or even where it is going? Did you make the right choices?

Do you have the right friends? Could you have been a better friend to the ones you have? If the friends you lost touch with even remember you?

Have you made a difference in the life of someone you cared for? Has someone you cared for made a difference in your life? If there is such a thing as second chance?

Could you have made love more often? Were the arguments worth it? If breaking up was the right choice? If you'll ever love or make love again?

Are you doing what it is you really want to do? If you are stuck in a rut? Where to go from here?

Why politicians who suck at their job not get fired? Why people who have been model employees for years get "downsized"? Why are job interviews so nerve-wracking?

Did you really get a deal on that big-ticket purchase? Should you have gotten the extended warranty? What if it breaks?

Why haven't you travelled more? What are you missing? Where should you go?

How can anyone afford to actually buy a house? A new car? Have a child?

Why don't you have enough motivation to be in better shape? Are you doomed to live a life of fast food and couch potato desperation? Why is Star Trek so damned appealing to some like sports is to others?

How did you become addicted to (fill in the blank)? What if you can never stop? Does this make you a bad person?

Do you actively listen to people? Or just think about what you want to say next? Is there something to body language?

Could you do more to help your fellow man/woman/child? Does it really make a difference? Would anyone notice?

What came before the beginning? Where do we go when we die? If God created you in His own image then doesn't that make you God?

Are ghosts really spirits or an electro-magnetic resonance held over from the emotional/thought-energy of the previously living? If aliens wanted us to know about them, wouldn't they make their presence a little more mainstream? If you kill a bigfoot is it manslaughter?

Have you ever wondered these things? ...well I certainly haven't. Not today anyway.

Do You Feel Lucky?

2005-09-08T20:11:00.000-07:00

Fun With Google

From the Google homepage type "miserable failure" and click "I'm Feeling Lucky"
Repeat Step 1 with the following:

"Bush's foreign friends"
"asshole" (you will want sound for this one)
"french military victories"
"idiot"

Something Stinks...

2005-09-08T14:30:00.000-07:00

...and it is not raw sewage, natural gas, dead bodies, unsanitary Superdomes or Convention Centers:

When the President is PLAYING GUITAR and DISCUSSING medicare while people are drowning... something stinks.

When the Bush Administration and FEMA had received ADVANCE NOTICE from Governor Blanco that Louisiana would NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE the aftermath of Katrina and said they had things under control while nothing happened... something stinks.

When other outlets are BLAMING local and state officials for not trying to do more when it was documented otherwise... something stinks.

When FOX's Geraldo Riviera holds up starving babies and pleads to let people seek their own help if none is coming and Shepard Smith reports that people at the Convention Center are NOT ALLOWED to walk along the interstate to a nearby parish to get help and are instead locked in with no supplies or medical help - something stinks.

When FEMA comes in and CUTS ALL EMERGENCY COMMUNICATIONS... Something stinks.

When the HEAD OF FEMA is Bush's college roommate and the former head of the Arabian Horse Association (a post he was FIRED from) and has no preparation or training in EMERGENCY PREPAREDNESS... something stinks.

I am aghast that any rational human being on the face of the planet actually believes that the Bush administration and FEMA have done an "amazing" job in the face of this disaster.

Something stinks...

I Heart Kleenex

2005-08-31T21:16:00.000-07:00

I have blown my nose 95 times since yesterday.

I know this because I purchased a box of tissue that had 95 tissues in it.

It is now empty.

I still feel crappy. And it is pretty important that I get to work tomorrow. Ugh. I hate working when I am sick. I mean, it can be done, but I am largely ineffective. Well, moreso than usual, anyway...

I watched Hotel Rwanda today and then the CBS 48 Hours Special on Hurricane Katrina. This is not helping any other than to remind me of how thankful I am for what I have in my life.

My cold is ultimately trivial...

The Airplane Made Me Sick

2005-08-30T21:39:00.000-07:00

Damn those airplanes and their recycled air!

Yesterday, if anything, I was really tired. Now, I am sick and tired.

My one day buffer between my vacation and work and I have to spend it sick. I mean it could be worse - it could always be worse - but at least I am ambulatory, albeit stuffed up.

I am sufficiently supplied with Airborne and various cold medications which really don't help you get better they just make you THINK you feel better by masking your symptoms and making your head feel like cotton candy. It's all a scam, I am sure of it.

I could blame it all on Angel Baby sitting in front of me on the plane - but I don't think Angel Baby was sick. Angel Baby was too quiet to be sick. Angel Baby did not make a peep the entire trip. I was amazed and grateful as were the surrounding passengers who (along with myself) made it a point to compliment the mother on having such a quiet and well-behaved child as we disembarked.

I must go rest now. Ugh.

'80s Night!

2005-08-27T12:07:00.000-07:00

There's some weird karmic, art imitating life imitating art scenario going on here, but I just can't put my finger on it...

"Despite my appearance at this function... I am, and always will be, a Duckman..."

Lisa is 20 years old and can do '80s nostalgia better than half the people who actually lived it. She's so cute - I wanna just put her in my pocket and take her home...

You have not heard Europe's "The Final Countdown" until you have heard Rockfist's version... Bri's beau, Ryan owned the keyboard last night...

My new future ex-girlfriend, Felicia. She's the singer of the band, she loves sci-fi and horror, she smokes, she drinks, she has incredible cleavage, and from what I understand is completely neurotic. I think I'm in love... *sigh* =)

Carlos Santana Flies Northwest

2005-08-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

So I'm on the phone with Mom as I am waiting for my plane to start boarding. Passengers begin spewing forth from the adjacent Gate 47: young married couple... tired business man... musician guy with guitar case... Carlos Santana... disgruntled attractive woman... wait. one. minute.

Carlos Santana? Indeed!

Carlos Santana flies Northwest Airlines. I saw him.

I mean it WAS Carlos Santana. With the beanie cap pulled down, long stringy hair, the moustache... everything that one identifies with "Carlos Santana" was there. Of course I didn't say "Hey! Carlos Santana!" really loud because there's the off chance that it WASN'T him and I could just be pissing off a total stranger who is already thinking to himself, "The next time someone calls me Carlos Santana, I am gonna punch him in the neck." So I played it cool... and then proceeded to tell my entire family that I had just had my first Carlos Santana sighting.

Now in case you were wondering about the flight - I did NOT get the coveted "Exit Row". I tried changing it up at the last minute but apparently on Northwest, the exit row is only available to "World Perks Plus Premium Members" and not regular "World Perks Peeons" such as myself. I did however switch to the row right in front of the exit row and that made me feel a little better.

Better still? The attractive blond girl who sat next to me. She was apparently, recently engaged judging by the HUGE rock on her hand. Fortunately for us, I told her, when I had checked in for my flight from home, I had noticed no one was sitting in the seat between us. We had a buffer. And some extra space on a very crowded flight. Blondie and I celebrated with a high-five (that I initiated - this is why I don't get dates...) and she attempted to go to sleep.

I say attempted because Blondie was unable to sleep due to Screaming Baby. Screaming Baby was seated in the row before us. Screaming Baby seemed to have an agenda: to annoy the crap outta everyone on the plane while making the parents look like assholes who can't make their baby calm down on a red-eye flight where everyone wants to sleep.

The fact that Screaming Baby was screaming coupled with the fact that we hadn't taken off some 10-15 minutes after we were supposed to got me to thinking. Maybe Screaming Baby knew something we did not. Maybe Screaming Baby was in cahoots with the striking Northwest mechanics union and knew that OUR plane was the next plane to be sabotaged by flat tires and disgruntled workers. Screaming Baby was eventually lulled into a false sense of security like the rest of us and managed to pass out shortly before take off.

We arrived in Minnesota just before daybreak. I was greeted at baggage claim by the morning version of Briana and I immediately regaled her with the tale of Carlos Santana. She in turn, confirmed that Carlos Santana does indeed fly Northwest. One time, her dad sat next to him on a Northwest flight. Apparently he had played it cool too... But his inside voice was screaming "Carlos-fucking-Santana! Wooooo!"

And I understood.

The Jet-Set Bachelor 2

2005-08-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Well, tonight I am leaving on a jet plane once again... irrational fears and nightmare scenarios be damned...

This time I am visiting my friend Briana in Minnesota. I haven't seen her in about two years so it will be good to hang out for a few days and catch up.

There are some things planned as I understand it... First, we are going to an '80s party on Friday with the musician friends and acquaintences of Bri and her boyfriend Ryan. Saturday, we are doing something but I don't remember what. And then Sunday it is the Minnesota State Fair! Woo-hoo! Funnel cakes and hot dogs!

So, I am still not packed, laundry is still going and I need to leave for the airport in less than three hours.

I'll make it... I'll make it...

This is my first time going to the airport with the long-term parking I think... wait, is it? No - I did it once before at San Jose for a weekend... But this'll be at SFO and for longer than a weekend. So it's a little different anyway... =)

Anyhoo - I'm going to attempt blogging from Minnesota and posting pics but we'll see how that goes. I'm notoriously lazy on updating my blog as some of you have made a point of noticing... *ahem*

Oh - and for the record - since telling the psychotic 40-Year-Old-Virgin that it wasn't working out, I haven't heard from her. Nonetheless, I still suspect she has been drooling over my profile at match.com. So I hid it. I don't need that kind of attention. At least not from a psychotic 40-Year-Old-Virgin with low self-esteem issues. There's plenty of other, younger, more attractive, psychotic women who could be stalking me... aren't there?

If you know of any - drop me a line!

I Better Not Find Rabbit Stew on the Stove...

2005-08-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

Alright kids, here we go...

I got a message on the voicemail yesterday from the 40-Year-Old-Virgin. Said she wouldn't be at work the next two days because she was calling in sick so she wouldn't be able to check her email. Left me her voicemail number if I should "dare to call" and said "Byyyyyee" with a rather creepy intonation.

Now stupidly - before I realized this may get ugly - during lunch we exchanged glances at each others drivers licenses so she MAY INDEED KNOW WHERE I LIVE.... i know... i know... lesson learned... but I think I have reason to be freaked out...

I still haven't contacted her. But after the email today, I think I need to set some boundaries and tell her "NO!" in no uncertain terms. Go ahead, read on... and what would you do? I welcome all comments. Responses in red are my commentary...

Today's E-mail:

Hi Duckie,

Did I mention I am a comedy writer?

The list below is my latest creation just for a few laughs...see you really did meet a girl who "laughs often and usually at herself."

Thank you for inspiring me to change The Who I'd Like to Date part of my bio plus my username...

*********************************************************************

match.com

Top Ten Reasons You Know He Will Not Ask You for a Second Date

10) When the waitress asks you if you would like to use the restaurantÂ’s phone to call him to see if you have been stood up!

(I was three minutes late - md)

9) When you freak out that he used the word penis in between bites of broccoli even though he was comparing monster trucks to male organs (from the movie Thelma and Louise)!

8) When you ask him if we can Â“pretend to be marriedÂ” just so you can see what the Penthouse looks like at 1010 Pacific (cuz you know the manager will only show you an efficiency studio otherwise!)

(we did do this -though we never pretended to be married - we chcickened out because we had to fill out forms - md)

7) When you tell him why you need to use a knife to cut up your noodles (and sometimes your soup!) since you had this freak bike accident as a child (only a broken jaw)Â—only to fear he will now ask if thatÂ’s how you broke your nose, too!

6) When you keep covering your mouth to hide your crooked tooth (not a result of the bike accident but the result of two failed attempts at bracesÂ—who wants to wear braces again at age 40?)

5) When he is only 5 Â½ years younger than you, but you feel like Mrs. Robinson the whole time you are together (even though that might be a good thing!)

(at least Mrs. Robinson had been "around the block" - unlike some people - md)

4) When he asks if he got you all riled up with the phallic talk because you can now only notice books about sex at Logos!

3) When you do not want to admit that maybe he did get you all riled up because it is so damn obvious that he is repulsed by you~

(oh dear, she WAS riled up...md)

2) When he gives you an obligatory hug (which reminds you of those AA hugs since your abusive ex-boyfriend dragged you to 3 years worth of meetings because he had 14 years in the program)~

(TMI - md)

1) When he abruptly cuts the Â“hanging outÂ” short cuz he has to give his cat a flea dip (and do his laundry at the same time) but says he will definitely call you...so you tell him to bookmark you phone number under the name Pervy!

(I don't recall "definitely call" and I did have to run errands to get my cat Advantage and go home and do laundry - md)

The 40 Year Old Virgin

2005-08-20T20:23:00.000-07:00

Buckle up, kids. This one's a doozy.

So, I wake up today about 10:30am. I look over at my cell phone, and apparently I had just missed a call.

I check the message and it is the 40-Year-Old.

She has called this morning to see if A) I still wanted to meet for lunch because she got a "weird vibe" from our phone conversation yesterday where we spoke briefly as I was on my way to Jenny 2x's party (I'll admit I was a little short on the phone) and B) to inform me that she does wear glasses to see at distance so she will have on purple-framed glasses with "sequins or rhinestones or cubic zirconia, whatever you call'em.." on so she can see me when I come into the restaurant. She then proceeds to worry aloud if she isn't being "too neurotic" by calling this morning and then gets cut off by my voicemail.

I would like to take time out and give a shout-out to my voicemail: ***YO PROPS VM!! PEACE!!**

So I decide that I will not call the 40-Year-Old back and just show up for lunch. This will either make her A) more neurotic... or B) more neurotic... Either way, I win. I get to the restaurant and she waves me down... we shake hands "Nice to meet you" yadda yadda yadda... and the FIRST thing I notice is the teeth... They are not good... I have had many a conversation with women about factors that can either make or break interest in a potential suitor and number one on every list is "good teeth".

I now understand why.

I will refrain from detailed description, but trust me... it was not pretty. And now the entire lunch I am consciously avoiding looking at her teeth, concerned A) for my own safety and B) that she may CATCH me looking at her teeth. Fortunately, my gaze is averted by staring at the crook in her nose. This is not much more comforting, but it's something. She had previously mentioned that many people have mistaken her as hailing from the UK and she could never figure out why... Mystery solved.

So we eventually order lunch and she is talking about all manner of things... She is quite the talker... a lot about her family and nephews and her deceased mother. She also keeps going back to the whole "Duckie" thing since that is my nickname on the dating site she found me at. She was also more than pleased that we share the same "favorite actor" James Dean. She talks quite a bit but I manage to slip in a few anecdotes and quips that elicit some laughter... and thus, exposing the teeth... I have only myself to blame.

We then get onto the topic about film and how she and her sister went to see "When Harry Met Sally" at the theater back in the day with some boys from church and how they got extremely embarrassed by Meg Ryan's infamous fake orgasm scene and nearly walked out of the theater "Because that's just not the sort of thing that girls should be bringing up, especially around boys they were trying to date from church" and I said "What? Because Meg Ryan was giving away all your trade secrets?" and she giggled uncomfortably like a 12 year old girl who has just seen her first picture of a naked man.

The movie sex parade moves to Thelma & Louise. She had not seen the movie and decided she wouldn't based on the scene where Geena Davis' character gets raped early on in the film. I went on to explain that I had actually just seen Thelma & Louise in its entirety just a few years ago though we talked about it in one of my film classes. I explain to her quite matter of factly that in film class, we discussed how in the beginning of the film, there are many scenes with big rig trucks on the highway and how they were representative of men and the male penis -or phallus- and that they were dominant in the first half of the film but as the lead characters asserted their independence, there were fewer trucks and more open roads and valleys, culminating in the last scene where the two launch themselves into a giant canyon - clearly a more feminine representation of their environment.

Apparently I said "penis" far too loudly for her taste. She squrimed and giggled uncomfortably as if I had flopped my own dick out on the table (this is a common reaction from dates when I flop my dick out on the table, so I speak from experience...). She was concerned because people at a table nearby had turned and looked at us. And now she was never going to be able to watch Thelma & Louise even if she wanted too...

It was about here that I pretty much knew I was in trouble.

We split the bill and we leave. Up the street we end up talking with a guy who came out with his wife from Michigan to visit his grown kids in Monterey. He is looking for a few restaurants a buddy had told him about and asks about cool places to check out. I let the 40-Year-Old handle the conversation. Pretty much because I had nothing else to do at that point.

We trek into Logos used bookstore and look around for a bit. Apparently the 40-Year-Old's sister is one of those people who will buy stuff at a used bookstore or garage sale and then resell it on ebay. The Sister has suggested to The 40-Year-Old to look on the rolling carts of books in the store because it is all the newest stuff they haven't put away yet. I already know this, but I don't let on. At this point, The 40-Year-Old happens quite unexpectedly upon the book "Sex For Dummies" written by none other than Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

At first glance she thinks it is a joke book - that it is not real. I explain that no, it is quite real and that they have the Dummies series of books on all manner of topics - not just computers as she previously thought. She opens it and discovers the joke is on her... She is immediately flush with embarrassment yet still can't help but flip through the pages. I comment that there aren't enough pictures for my tastes... more uncomfortable giggles... a few more page flips and we get to a diagram. The full-page diagram is an illustration showing the proper way to put on a condom. She slams the book shut and is completely embarrased now, giggling like a school girl, her eyes wide. I give her a knowing smile and raised eyebrow like "Well, that's how you do it," and she puts the book back on the shelf.

After a beat she asks, "Do you want to see that movie, 'The 40-Year-Old Virgin'?"

Now... I am not always the sharpest tool in the shed. Often I can be naive and not be able to read between the lines.
This was not one of those times. The final Red Flag had been thusly raised.

INSIDE VOICE: "HAHAHA ARE YOU SERIOUS?!? OH MY GOD! SHE CAN'T BE... IS SHE?... SHE IS NOT...HOOOOO BOY! SHE IS...HAHAHA...."
OUTSIDE VOICE: "Yeah, yeah I hear it is a really, really good movie, and I would like to see it."
40-YEAR-OLD-VIRGIN: "Yeah I hear that it wasn't what you would expect from a comedy like that."
INSIDE VOICE: "SHE IS A 40 YEAR OLD VIRGIN! (...you could be the first!...) SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"
OUTSIDE VOICE: "Well, it's certainly been getting a lot of good reviews..."
INSIDE VOICE: "GET OUT. GET OUT NOW."

Shortly after this exchange we found our way out to the parking lot were we exchanged a hug and the knowledge that I have her phone number so I can call her should the need arise and I was on my way.

When I got home after running errands about 2 hours later, I had not one but TWO - TWO emails from her which I shall post in their entirety for your enjoyment:

------------------------------

Hi Marc with a C,

Nice to finally meet you...the neurotic side of me says that I probably liked you more than you liked me...but at this stage...at this age...that does not really matter, I guess...

Anyways, lunch was nice...thanks for the laughs...damn, I hate it when a stranger brings out that side of me...if you remember what I mean...I may talk the talk but I rarely walk the walk...best to save that talk with the old farts at work...my women friends who have been around the block...I use to tell people I have only been to the corner store...

I have more to say, but it would just sound like a bunch of babble. I am using the computer at work since I needed to get the phone number of the student assistant I need to possibly fire. I see you are online, too...LOL about all of your dirty laundry!

Going back downtown to see a matinee now.

All the best,

-------- and then --------

I just sent you an email to your regular email account that you gave me earlier in the week...

How do you match guys get all the energy to just go right back online to searching the profiles? It takes me awhile to just debrief from the experience of having every ounce of me scrutinized by a stranger...LOL...

Thanks for going dutch...(sorry it was so expensive for lunch)...the last match date only had $5.50 on him and made me pay $17.50 for two movie tickets...LOL...

_____________________________________

To sum up the email:

A) Her neuroses are not lying to her
B) I brought out "that side" of her which I don't even know what that is... but apparently SHE can't even talk about due to extreme embarassment - what with only having been "down to the corner store..."
C) She 'sees' me online. For the record, uhhh, I was OUT the entire time it took you to write these emails so whatever Match.com said was incorrect and why are you writing me an email less than an HOUR after the date. Even I know that is a no-no...
D) I have 'dirty laundry'? I don't even know what this is in reference too.
E) Second email in less than an hour? And both within ONE HOUR of the DATE?!?! RED ALERT! She is getting a little stalky and a little TOO concerned that I am apparently back online so quickly after our lunch date.

Did I mention that she doesn't own a computer? Yeah. She stopped into work to write me. And I don't buy the reason she gave. If you need to fire someone - you don't need their number on a Saturday. C'mon...

There will not be a second date. Ultimately, I am left a little creeped out. I am still trying to determine if, when and how I respond to her emails.

I have oft heard tale of the man who dates the older woman. And in these tales, the man regales the other men with stories of rampant female sex drives, and how "she even taught ME a few things" and how she had a few friends who wanted to come over...

I however, get to date the older woman who is embarrassed to even hear me speak the word "penis" aloud.

It's just not fair.

Good On Paper

2005-08-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

I have a date tomorrow. This will be the second first date in two weeks.

The first one was a week ago Wednesday. We had sushi and some awkward silences but for the most part I enjoyed myself and I think we got along pretty well. This was after a week or so of marathon-long emails about each others likes and dislikes, exchanging quips and jokes with each other - both of us certain that even if we met and there was "no spark" that at least we'd probably want to hang out with each other because we're just both that cool.

So I haven't heard from her.

That's not entirely true... I sent her an email the next day. A rambling sort that said I had a great time and that also responded to a pre-date email she sent me. Two days later she sent me a brief email saying she was going out to pick up her friend at the airport and school was starting up (she's a teacher) so she would write me a full email when things were a little less hectic. a few days after that she sent me another brief email, letting me know that she was not trapped under any heavy classroom furniture. This was encouraging so I sent her a brief little email and that's where I am at right now.

I do not suspect anything romantic will come to pass - but I like this girl - she makes me laugh...

So tomorrow I am having lunch with a different girl. She is 5 years my senior, she loves movies, Denny's coffee, museums, bookstores and all things pop culture. Her picture was from Halloween but revealed a cute face behind painted-on cat whiskers. I spoke with her briefly on the phone today. She seems a bit odd. And this is okay because I like odd and quirky - but I am not sure how things will go. We are having Chinese at her favorite Chinese restaurant downtown. She says she has butterflies about meeting. Meanwhile I am feeling like: "eh... we're having lunch."

Basically I just want to meet her and make sure that we will either "click" or not. Because if not - I frankly would rather not continue the effort. Internet dating is fraught with this sort of thing. The thing I call the "good on paper" scenario. This is where emails and phone calls all seem to point to the perfect match, and then you finally meet and that "spark" is missing, the timing is off and they don't look like their photo (no one really does, it's weird).

I think I am keeping my expectations low on this one.

But life has been known to surprise me.

From time to time.

It's a G5!

2005-08-18T01:48:00.000-07:00

As of about a week ago, I am the proud papa of a beautiful 20" G5 iMac!

Having not had an actual computer of my own for over a year (and not using the previous one due to technical difficulties), I am pleased as punch to be writing this post from my brand new iMac. I had toyed with the idea of getting a laptop - but the Mac laptop I wanted would have cost another $1000 and wouldn't have been as powerful as the beauty on my desk right now. Nor would it boast the gorgeous 20" widescreen display that has my eyes all aglow...

I am still in the process of getting it set up. Making sure I have all the software in the right place and that everything is updated and I just got hooked up to the net offically last night... Now I am sure to have many a sleepless night surfing aimlessly into the void of the internet... putting off sleep so I can check my email one last time, play a game of Literati or maybe even update my blog... (fancy that?)

...addendum...post factum...

2005-08-15T01:44:00.000-07:00

The last entry was written without knowledge of the airliner that crashed in Greece yesterday...

Though in reading about the crash, I learned a bit about what might happen if my nightmare scenario were to happen:

"There apparently was a lack of oxygen, which is usually the case when the cabin is depressurized," Tsolakis said.

The F-16 jets met the plane at 34,000 feet, the Greek air force said. At that altitude, the effects of depressurization are swift, said David Kaminski Morrow, of the British-based Air Transport Intelligence magazine.

"If the aircraft is at 30,000 feet, you don't stay conscious for long, maybe 15 to 30 seconds," he said. "But if you are down at 10,000 feet, you can breathe for a lot longer."

For some reason, this comforts me... though now I wonder if you lose consciousness at 30,000 feet if you might not awaken as you near 10,000 feet on your way down...

My heart goes out to the families of the 121 people on that plane...

Egressus In Nubibus...

2005-08-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

I had this entry already done - all ready to go... and I hit publish and I got a nice little message saying that the site was down for maintenance and then I lost the whole thing...

So - my grampa's 80th birthday party was cool. He was surprised that everyone was there - he thought he was just going out to dinner with gramma. And it was really good to see the family - I saw a lot of cousins I hadn't seen in years. There was even a "cousins photo" taken as I think it was the first time in a long while that all of the cousins were in one place at the same time. And I gave my email to a lot of people who took pictures but I haven't seen a one of them... When I do, I shall post them.

I actually flew down to southern California, which was nice. I mean when all is said and done, really I'm saving about two hours travel time when you factor in getting to the airport early, the actual flight etcetera... however, it beats having to drive six hours and be a completely exhausted nutjob upon arrival. And my car's air conditioning is on the fritz - I woulda hated it...

Southwest Airlines is cool because there is no assigned seating. I immediately grab an emergency exit row every time. Mainly because there is a lot of legroom. But secretly, I do it because I think I would excel in an emergency situation. I mean, I meet all the requirements and I actually pay attention when the flight attendants do their spiel for the thousandth time:

"This is a 300 series aircraft with emergency exits located two in the rear, two on each wing and two toward the front of the craft... In the unlikely event that we lose cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down from the compartment above your seat... In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device..."

I know it all. But I still pay attention. It could come in handy. And I copiously read the emergency pamphlet provided in the seat pocket in front of me. As a member of the exit row, I feel it is my responsibility to be informed. I'll be the one helping the crew get people out the door and to safety. Keeping a cool head in a crisis.

By occupying my head with thoughts of potential heroism in the face of tragedy, it helps get my mind off of the nightmare scenarios that play out on the IMAX screen in my head. Like we're just about to land and a gust of air sweeps up and flips the plane on the runway and it bursts into a ball of flames and luggage... Or the one in Fight Club where Ed Norton dreams his plane is struck by another plane mid-air and people get sucked out the side of the craft while others cling to life by a seatbelt and a moveable armrest. I mean that has to be the worst way to go because it is a loooooong way down to the ground with a lot of time to be thinking to yourself, "I am going to die."

At that point all the safety spiels and buoyant seat cushions don't mean a thing.

On the other hand, once the terror washes over you about half way down, perhaps you would just pass out from lack of oxygen, hyperventilating yourself into a coma, or have a stroke or a heart attack before you hit ground. Or perhaps, a feeling of liberation would take over... the ultimate liberation on the way to the ultimate liberation... Perhaps everything becomes clear in that moment before you reach earth... and then, you break through...

I know these are not pleasant things to think about. But these are the thoughts that cross my mind during air travel. I have one or two more flights this year and rest assured, I will be running the nightmare scenarios in my head as I do every time. Does speaking about them make them come to pass? Or by getting it out there, does it take away the power of such an event occuring? I do not know. The first time I wrote this, it got erased - was fate telling me something there? Or did I just not see the warning that the blog site would be down at the very moment I went to publish the entry?

Whatever the case, IF - God forbid - anything does happen on the next couple of flights, you can all look back on this entry with morbid fascination... Thinking to yourselves, "It's like he knew it was going to happen..." - or - "...he shouldn't have written about that, see what happens when you express your fears?" - or - "I wonder if he was sitting in the exit row?"

Marc is...

2005-08-05T17:19:00.000-07:00

I am in Riverside for those of you keeping track of such things.

NEWS FLASH - It's fucking hot.

BUT - Dad just installed a little window-mounted air conditoning unit in my old room and it's about 20-30 degrees cooler than the rest of the house. This is where I am now. Air conditioning makes Riverside bearable.

So Sizzle had this bulletin entry on the MySpace website and I thought it was too funny so I did my own. The idea is:

Type "(your name) is" with the quotes, into a Google search then pick out your favorite 5 responses. Copy, then repost your responses:

Here are some of my favorites - i chose more than five... because I can...

Marc is the founder of the BC Marijuana Party, the owner of Pot-TV

Although Marc is the coolest guy ever, don't buy his seeds!

MARC is the key to completing your retirement plan puzzle

MARC is a portable, credit card-sized "smart card" capable of storing andupdating personnel data on a particular service member or DOD employee.

Marc is a prolific writer, a technology industry marketing veteran and ...

Marc is emotionally devastated by the loss of his poem.

Marc is 9 years old. He is autistic and epileptic, and experiences regular petitmal seizures. Marc is verbal; however, he does not respond to inquiries.

Marc, is a 14 year old with Downs Syndrome.
Marc is nowcapable of preparing his own simple snacks

MARC, is suitable for raster images and simple vector data sets

MARC: Is it for you?

MARC is not designed to convey complex numeric information

MARC is nevertheless a very important and useful standard.

marc is low in sodium and chloride

MARC is anachronistic and deficient

Marc is delighted to finda young and beautiful woman to talk to.

MARC is even more competitive with only six slots available a year.

Marc's is split into two rooms: the main bar and the Marc-tini Lounge.

Marc is a little more restrained and introspective

Marc is a creative force at work

Marc is one of the best things that has happened

Marc is the superego, the conscience and critic

Marc is updating his blog with new software, graphics, and manyhours of effort.

Marc is amazingly talented.

Marc is avoiding the hazards of anthropomorphisation

Marc is galvanized by his intense attraction to the quiet, cool, controlled young woman, and begins making plans for a sultry seduction.

Marc is just not JLo's type! ... Marc is just..........Marc.

Marc is done. Put a fork in him.

The Jet-Set Bachelor

2005-08-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I am leaving on a jet plane and headed for the homestead in smoggy, hot and generally intolerable Riverside. It's for a good cause though - My grampa's 80th birthday. I think his actual birthday was yesterday but the family is celebrating on Saturday.

I am not supposed to tell anyone I am coming so my parents can spring me on my unsuspecting relatives. I guess this is fun... they did it last year when I came down for Thanksgiving too... I keep showing up unexpectedly they're gonna start expecting me. And really... where's the fun in that? I suppose I could then NOT show up and start the cycle again... but I digress.

So I didn't get my Grampa a gift or a card - I figure mom will tack my name onto whatever it is they get and I am covered. But I mean the fact that I am FLYING down to see my Grampa on his birthday has to count for SOMETHING doesn't it?

Oh, I think I get to meet my long, lost cousin as well. Long story short - one of my aunts had a baby out of wedlock when it was unfashionable to do so and gave the boy up for adoption. Cut to last year - he tracks down my aunt and uncle (both are his biological parents) and voila! Instant addition to the family! He is a little younger than me - strangely - we shared a crib for awhile when I was like 2. Anyway - it should be cool to meet him and his wife (don't know if he's bringing the kids too...)

I have a boatload of cousins getting married and having kids... this isn't looking to good for the #1 grandson... (I am the oldest of the grandkids) Fortunately, I don't get pressured about any of it. Why is that? And why am I NOT married? Am I unmarryable?

Anyway - I get to goto the airport tomorrow. Should be fun.

I Am Not a Workaholic...

2005-08-01T21:10:00.000-07:00

I am tired today.

I was at work for like 17 hours yesterday.

Sure - some of it was puttering about online while I was waiting for things to render. But a lot of my time involved going over clip reels of various shows and trying to find humorous bits shorter than :10 seconds in length that could stand alone as a gag promoting the show coming up next.

I succeeded, and I am trying to figure a way to get the fruits of my labor here on this blog or online in some capacity because I am quite pleased with myself and I want to share. If you are within a zip code or two you can tune in to FOX 35 (cable 3) and probably see my stuff from 5-8p. (shameless plug for commercials... oh the irony...)

Anyway... I didn't exercise today and suspect I won't when I get home either. Probably just away to bed... maybe a video game or two...

I have nothing philosophical or quote-worthy today. They can't all be gems.

I am tired, afterall...

A Space of Your Own...

2005-07-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

Recently, in my haphazard search to find someone dateable and potentially marryable, I am reminded that we all need a little space.

A space of your own.

Even for just a little while.

That space of your own that wins out over the most fairy-tale of loves. The space where you can be alone in your head and free to do what ever it is you do when you are alone. The space where you can clear your head and not be distracted about petty jealousies or nervous tics or missed phone calls.

I think really that's what any of us are really looking for in a potential mate - someone we can be alone together with. Someone who understands the need for space. Someone who gets that it is okay to NOT spend every waking minute of the day together joined at the hip. Someone who has their own life and yet just can't seem to resist sharing it with you at the end of the day.

I wonder if one day, I might not look back at the time when I was single, had no viable prospects and wasn't getting laid regularly (i.e. now) and think "Ah, those were the days..."? I would hope, however, when I meet Her - the One, wherever the hell she is - that that is not the case. I'd hope she'd get the need for space.

And we could be alone together.

Even for just a little while...

It's true... I suck.

2005-07-29T15:29:00.000-07:00

So after not writing for two weeks you'd think I'd have a lot to write about.

Especially since I never recapped what happened at the big Comic-Con in San Diego.

But then days go by and time passes and I start to feel overwhelmed about everything I should be writing about and when I sit down to actually do it - I freak out.

This is the story of my life.

Comic-Con was indeed very cool. Andy and I scored press passes because, well, we work in the media... this enabled me to get to the highly coveted "Press Area" for photographers and look at who I happened to see...

The cutie with the shaved melon is Natalie Portman. She was there with the producers and director of V for Vendetta - her upcoming movie-based-on-a-comic book. She was gracious and extremely adept at turning any questions about her past work toward what she did for the current movie. PR people must love her.

Then there was the cast of Battlestar Galactica - the new one on the Sci-Fi channel. Exec producers Ron Moore and David Eick were there also. Very cool panel. Later in the weekend I met the ORIGINAL Captain Apollo, Richard Hatch. A very cool fellow who's passion for the story of Battlestar Galactica far exceeds any fifteen minutes of fame.

As a surprise to Comic-Con attendees, Rob Cohen - director of "Stealth" - showed up with some footage and the cast of the film tagged along. Academy-award-winning actor, Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel (yummy) and Josh Lucas (chicks dig him).

One of the biggest surprises came after one of the coolest sneak preview look at unfinished film I think I have ever seen. Via a pre-recorded intro, Peter Jackson showed an EXTREMELY rough animatic from the upcoming King Kong, where the big gorilla takes on THREE Tyranosaurus-Rexes. The audience was literally gasping and jumping out of their seats and the scene was far, far, far from being complete. In any case after the clip the films three leads came onstage and answered questions from the audience. In case you don't know them - Adrien Brody, Naomi Watts and Jack Black. JB wrote a King Kong song that he sang on the set and with some goading from the audience and his co-stars (who provided the tribal beat) he let loose for all of us to enjoy. I hope to god it makes it on the DVD release because it was awesome!

So I have a lot of other pics (most of them blurry) and a lot of other tales to tell but that's what I have for right now... I want to thank my duo of loyal readership for sticking with me and apologize for taking so long...

Comic-Con This Weekend!

2005-07-12T13:33:00.000-07:00

Andy and I are going to our first ever Comic-Con International in San Diego this weekend!

We went to the sister-show, Wonder-Con in SF earlier this year and we saw Batman, himself - Christian Bale making a surprise visit! Along with about 10 minutes of the movie - no one had seen at that time!

Also in attendance was the venerable Doctor Doom aka Julian McMahon who's only actual knowledge of the Fantastic Four stems from the "research" he did watching the old American cartoon from the 60's. (not to be outdone - that is my only reference for the Fantastic Four as well.)

And of course we saw Silent Bob himself - writer, director, actor, Kevin Smith! I have no idea now what the hell he talked about, but I know it was entertaining. And Andy got to ask a question about Smith's involvement with the Donnie Darko DVD.

Surprise, surprise what have we here? Jason "Jay" Mewes himself! We got a pic with the Jay-man after he had managed to score some phone numbers from two hot girls outside the convention center. He's pretty cool, man...

Who will we meet at THIS convention? I'm pulling for Margot Kidder, Erin Gray and the Beastmaster himself, Marc Singer!

Will there be tales to tell? Undoubtedly. We're driving down after work on Thursday night, so Friday should be an interesting day to say the least. Pics and info when I get them! In the meantime click on the links above to see what you're missing!

Nothing in Particular

2005-07-11T00:39:00.000-07:00

I have nothing relevant to say.

Not that that's stopping me from writing something. Not that this actually stops anyone from writing. I mean, the internet is full of people talking about shit they know nothing about anyway right?

Anyway, I tried exercising again last week. And it was good. Everything was great until afterwards. Somehow, in the midst of making a smoothie - somewhere between the counter and the sink, something went awry within my upper torso/chest/back and I have been in mild to moderate discomfort ever since. It sometimes even hurts to breathe. Sizzle says I should go to the doctor. This is a good idea that I will probably postpone until I am unable to actually move.

I had a date on Thursday. This would be the second official date with the lovely Italian girl from work. She actually speaks Italian - very hot on the hotness scale... Anyway - we had dinner at one of the nicer restaurants in town and flirted across the table and traded witty banter and I discovered she liked anchovies - upon which I immediately asked for her hand in marriage (still no definite answer on that one...)

Date number three TBD... though I'm hoping it is soon because the kissin' is mighty fine... She's a busy girl with no time for things like boyfriends to tie her down... and strangely, I'm totally okay with that...

Crazy After All These Years

2005-07-08T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have a friend who I have not spoken with in some time.

I mean, I think we're still friends - we just haven't chatted in a few years, and we live hundreds of miles apart, though I still think of her and I suspect she still thinks of me.

Frankly, her last email from a couple years ago kinda scared me... it didn't sound like her but rather the manic, unmedicated, out-of-balance version of her. The version she had only told me about but I had never actually seen. Which version is my "real" friend? I guess they both are for better or worse. This was the last time I had heard from her. I didn't reply to her email.

Prior to this last email, my friend "Scully" (names changed to protect the innocent) called me quite excitedly because she just found out for a medical certainty that she was manic depressive - experiencing periods of extreme elation, productivity and hyper-activity countered with periods of intense depression, loneliness and thoughts of suicide. It was the latter period that drove her to an attempt at killing herself and fortunately, a friend of hers was able to stop her and get her some help.

She was excited to finally discover the actual reasons for her behavior because it meant that she could actually do something to change things for the better in her life. She joked that she was now "officially crazy" and that had been her problem for all of these years.

It also helped put the puzzle pieces together of her life as an alcoholic. Being the daughter of an alcoholic, Scully fell prey to the disease herself - eventually finding relief in the form of Alcoholics Anonymous. She had discovered it was common for people diagnosed with mania and other emotional and neurological disorders to "self-medicate" with illegal drugs or alcohol in an effort to balance out their erratic moods, thoughts and emotional distress. Finally, years of psychological turmoil and substance abuse had been identified as something that could actually be treatable with counseling and medication.

What happened in that last email of hers - I dunno. Maybe I am not much of friend after all... I mean I should have followed up with something... But I didn't know what to say... I will be up in her neck of the woods come this September. It would be good to see her again to see how she is doing... Perhaps I should drop her a line...

So instead of writing to her directly, I write relatively anonymously into the ether of internet... hopefully, I don't spend another two years or longer not being able to talk to a friend for whom I genuinely care for...

The Wisdom of Experience

2005-07-06T17:54:00.000-07:00

Recently, I had lunch with a woman I would consider to be my mentor.

Jody Duncan has my number in a Rolodex behind Brian DePalma.

Jody is the editor of Cinefex magazine - a one-of-a-kind publication that I devoured in my youth and has become practically required reading material for the throngs of fans and employees of the visual effects industry. Quite simply, Cinefex looks at films that employ visual effects and breaks down the creative and technical processes that went into creating the FX shot-by-shot.

This year the magazine celebrates 25 years and 100 issues. I am proud to say that I have been able to contribute to its legacy, having written three articles some ten years ago (wow - has it been that long?).

Jody and I met in 1991 or 1992 - shortly after the release of Terminator 2: Judgment Day. She came into the restaurant where I was working, carrying her recently published book "The Making of Terminator 2: Judgment Day". Intrigued, I struck up a conversation with her - learned that she went to high school with my Aunt Mary (who also worked at the restaurant) and later discovered that she was the editor of Cinefex.

Through the years, Jody offered to have me write those articles for the magazine, encouraged me to finish college when I thought a writing career might be more rewarding (my writing's not that bad is it?) and was always supportive in my quest to try and land a job somewhere in the FX industry - writing letters of recommendation for me and dropping good words about me here and there when she could.

I hadn't spoken with her for about a year or so but thought it'd be good to catch up while I was visiting southern California so we met for lunch at CoCo's - the restaurant where we first met oh so long ago. It's always interesting to talk with Jody because she has interviewed pretty much everyone - producers and directors like George Lucas, Rick McCallum, Steven Spielberg, James Cameron and Robert Rodriguez as well as FX legends like Douglas Trumbull, Richard Edlund, Phil Tippett and Dick Smith.

We talked about the Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith and our thoughts as to why Lucas works the way he does and its effectiveness. We talked about the longevity of Cinefex and how the magazine has struggled to change to keep up editorially with the change in how effects are produced for films (the magazine itself is relatively unchanged in its format since its initial issue in 1980). And we touched on some of the more personal issues of relationships and marriage and life experience - Jody dispensing the wisdom of someone who has 'been there, done that' and has the self-confidence that can only come from experience to back it all up.

Now as I come to terms with where my life has taken me and what I do for a living - I still find that there is more that I want to accomplish and learn. I have not yet reached the point of self-confident experience - though I can feel it close. There is more to learn. There is more to do. And I am anxious to have someone to share it with.

As the mentor in my life, Jody is, as always, supportive of what I want to do and would not hesitate to make another call for me if I were to ask. And for that I am grateful beyond words.

When I am ready... when I'm ready...

A Real Vacation

2005-06-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

I have rediscovered smog today and I don't like it. My eyes are burning, my chest is sore, it is hot here and my air conditioning is on the fritz in my car.

I now remember why I moved.

I've lived on the coast for about ten years now - first in Eureka and now in Santa Cruz. It's a lot cleaner by the beach. Fresh air, cool temperatures, ocean views - what's not to like? I mean sure there's the occassional threat of devastation from a rogue tsunami, or higher ocean levels due to global warming - but what's a few more feet of water, really?

I think I seriously need to go on an ACTUAL vacation sometime - where I travel somewhere because of the locale and not because I have friends, family or a conference of some sort at the destination. I mean it saves heaps in expenses because I don't need to get a hotel or anything - but it always seems when I go somewhere, I have things I should be doing or people I should be seeing or places I need to be. I think I would like to go somewhere where I don't know anyone for a change. Somewhere I can not do anything and not feel guilty about it. Somewhere with cold drinks, scantily clad women and a temperate climate...

Maybe somewhere by the beach...

This is why I hate technology...

2005-06-29T00:38:00.000-07:00

I just spent like an hour and a half crafting the perfect introductory post - and before I could save it - WHAMMO! - all gone.

Important safety tip: Always save your post before you spell check it.

Now instead of a pleasingly inane ramble of the joys of blogging for the first time - I turn the form into a bitch session. As if there isn't enough bitching on the internet already...

This is why I prefer pen and ink. I may not write all the time. But at least when I do - it stays around a little longer than the time it takes to refresh a web browser.

Fucking computers.

Welcome

2004-05-27T19:13:00.000-07:00

I have no idea what the hell I am doing.